Another one. Beautiful in its subtlety. And sad.
just thought I’d tell you about all the things I’ve done these past couple of days. This is my spring break (thus far), in a short manner, in no specific order. I have…
- Made a summer playlist with over a hundred songs on iTunes.
- Intended to visit a couple of museums with Succumb, instead ending up doing what we always do.
- Bought nail polish that I later noted are the colors of each Powerpuff girl. Oh, and midnight blue as well.
- Painted my nails in one of the colors mentioned above. Bubbles’, I guess.
- Argued with Mother over whether I actually have the color of the sky on my fingers. Needless to say, I was victorious.
- Baked the vegan equivalent of apple pie. A rather delicious equivalent, I might add. This was done while listening to earlier mentioned summer playlist.
- Taken a bubble bath with the songs from So Wrong It’s Right (by All Time Low) playing in the background. Not very relaxing, but that wasn’t really what I was going for.
- Made myself a tumblr. You can find it here. Effectivizing (dunno if that’s a real word, but don’t care) my blog browsing.
- Ordered a white lace dress, along with two of my absolute favorite high-waisted jeans from Topshop. I eagerly await my package.
- Spent my nights huddled up with my laptop, watching movies I’ve always wanted to see, but never had the time to. Including, but not limiting to, Adventureland, 500 Days of Summer and the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The last shocking the bejeezus out of me.
- Sat in a park with a friend, soaking up the sun and listening to the Xx. And Florence + the Machine of course.
- Taken photos with my beloved Bellamy (the iPhone).
- Played ballerina, flailing around in the living room.
- Dreamt of a certain someone.
Listening to The xx makes me feel needy. And for some reason, I get the crazy idea that writing here might help. At least distract me. My friend kept pointing out how Phreckles seemed so into it when I was talking to him. The voice in my head was going: this is NOT helping you. And that voice is right. I hate misinterpreting things in my head, distorting them until I get ny hopes up. Oh well. Tomorrow’s Monday. I’ve fasted for a week. Only a gazillion to go. I’ve had a stomach ache about three times this week. It’s a rough life. I’m being sarcastic. I’m really grateful for having my life. It’s great. I’ve been reading and hearing a lot about cancer these days. I’ve come a teensy bit closer to understanding how horrible it is. I’m still terametres from truly comprehending it though. And I’m pretty sure I want it to stay that way, considering I probably have to be directly exposed to it to really get it. No thanks. I remember this Charlie Brown episode where Linus’ friend gets cancer. It’s the greatest cartoon episode I’ve ever seen. Describes cancer in a way that’s not too brutal, but still makes you understand. I remember watching it when I was a kid. Er, younger kid. I felt so sad, but I loved it nonetheless. It felt like I got it. I’m actually tearing up as I write this. It really was a great episode.
Love & pillows
You mean that much to me
And it’s hard to show
Gets hectic inside of me
When you go
I came so close this time. So close to feeling good. Proud. Euphoric. I came so close to feeling satisfied. So close. But not close enough. I was bitter about it at first, feeling like nothing will be enough. Feeling like there’s no use in even trying. Then I thought about how it would feel if I got there, and suddenly, the thoughts changed to when I get there. Next time. It will happen. I will get there. I will feel satisfied.
Tune of the day, it came on shuffle on the way home and has been stuck in my head since. Great tune to have on your head. Lovely lyrics. Lovely music. Lovely xx.
Night time, sympathize
I’ve been working on white lies
So I’ll tell the truth, I’ll give it up to you
I had a strange dream this morning. You know when you wake up ridiculously early because it’s so hot, then you fall asleep again and have a long, elaborate dream? Yeah, that was what happened to me today.
The dream begins with me falling, actually, I’m being dropped into my biology classroom. I fall into my seat and look around, disoriented, only to notice that this isn’t my ordinary classroom. Well it is, but everything is different. All the colors are in a blue tone, as if my eyes has a teal screen that tints my sight. I notice that something’s off with the teacher, who’s scribbling some unknown signs on the blueish gray chalkboard (as opposed to the regular green chalkboard). It’s like the teacher’s facial features have been dragged out, giving him a very disturbing appearance. An unsettling feeling grows in my gut, and I desperately try to reach out to my classmates, warning them that something isn’t right. Turns out, the difference extends to them as well.They all appear to loathe me. As I’m being given glares and the silent treatment, I suddenly think: “whatever.” and take a seat alone in the back of the class. I just sit there for a while, until the answer comes to me: “Wait a minute…is this a dream? It has to be a dream! Okay then.” I guess this is where I decide to just go along with it. Suddenly, the whole class is in this huge, mirrored hall where we have flying lessons. Yes, you read right, apparently we can fly in this dream. Well, dream me doesn’t know this either, but it seems as the rest of the class does. So everyone has mastered the art of flying except me. Yay. I am taught that I’m supposed to do a dainty jump and then just soar gracefully through the air, so I do that for a while, looking like a pseudo ballerina. After class, I’m wandering around some unknown area and I decide that I need to practice my flying skills. I just randomly go to a park full of cherry blossoms. I’m just jump-soaring all over the place, when I see Phreckles standing there. He tells me I kinda suck, but that I’ll get the hang of it soon enough. He also tells me that he’s here for me if I ever need any help. He gives me this huge, old book that’s bound in brown leather, tells me that I’ll “find what I need” there, and then disappears. Just as I’m about to open the book…I wake up.
Strange dream indeed.
…The sound resounds, echo. Does it lessen your affection? No.
Love & alabaster skin