Determined.

Look after me, I dwell in the night
In the dark of the shadows, I feel no fright
But do not be confused, I am a creature of light
Many years ago, I forgot what was right
But do not pity me, I try with all my might
To climb and face the most wuthering height
Despite my heart being wound so tight
I will try my best, for it is my plight
To gather up the courage and use the sight
To face my demons, to fight, fight, fight
To stop acting like a creature of night
Yes, in the light of day, I will feel no fright
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Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

I feel like I’m losing my spark. It’s devastating. It’s not even that I’m feeling down, though that would be preferable. I just feel myself becoming…off.  With every day that passes, I feel myself getting grayer. Like a washed out version of myself. It’s scary, because I don’t know how to stop it. I know school is a big reason, I fill my life with routines and eventually, I’ll just go into an automatic mode where my mind doesn’t have to be present for my body to go through the motions. I guess I have to fill every free second I get with things that I enjoy. It’s just hard, because ever moment I don’t have everything to do, I either think about the things I will have to do, or I’m too exhausted to think at all. Too tired to do anything. I don’t know. I just know it’s a bit of a crucial situation, because it’s only been a week since school started, and I already feel fucked up. I need to find a solution. And fast. I need my spark back.

Tune of the day, because it was playing in the background while I was reading Scott Pilgrim – Precious Little Life, one of the, very meaningful, gifts I received from my dear friend, Succumb, desperately trying to get my groove back. It kind of worked. Fleetingly. But it’s mainly because it feels right. It just fits.

Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you’re all gone got your make-up on and you’re not coming back.