Summer.

Hello.

These past couple of weeks have been fantastic. I’ve had this amazing job, spending some quality time with one of the few non-living things I love – books. I had fun every day, and learned a few things from my supervisor. I saw the last HP film, which was the epitome of bittersweetness. Mostly sweet though. I’ve been to a festival, which was one of the craziest experiences I’ve ever had. It included seeing some awesome bands, crying at a few concerts, dancing with strangers, moshing, and laughing at silly things…like seeing someone you used to consider to be pretty bland fucked up. And I mean really fucked up. Just generally living in the moment. Oh, and what might be the biggest thing – I’m getting a tattoo. Well, I’ll have to wait six months, but it’s happening. Which is bigger than getting a tattoo would normally be. Because I never do these kind of things. Things that aren’t neutral, things that can’t be taken back. I feel like I’m improving. At least I’m trying to. And trying is the first step, right?

But there’s still something missing. There’s a void, and I keep telling myself that I should be focusing on me, and let the other stuff come later, but it’s easier said than done. I thought that the summer would make me forget him. That the infatuation would fade when the “object” was taken away. I think that it had the opposite effect. Which is bad. And good. Or I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to see when ordinary life kicks in again. Maybe this is a good thing. In any case, I’m going to focus on the here and now, and try to really enjoy my life. Because I know that I’m really lucky to have it.

Xx.

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Now I’m pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door.

Tune of the day CXXIII.

Today, when the door opened and I saw you – my breath caught. As sappy as it sounds, I’m completely taken by you. When you come in like that, looking like the incarnation of Holden Caulfield, I can’t help but melt. And, against my better judgement, I revel in it. And you’re just being your lovely, preckly self, oblivious of how you affect me. When you give me that shy smile, you inadvertently feed the flame. Actually, you set me aflame. Whenever you look at me, it sends a wave of heat through my body. I imagine it’s an elevated version of what blushing feels like. I’ve fallen for you. And though I know there’s a big chance that I’ll crash. Hard. I just know that I’ve never felt so alive. And if falling is what it takes for me to live, then let me free fall for the rest of my life. This tune is for you Phreckles. Every single word is for you. Because it really was enchanting to meet you. And it still is. Every fucking time.

(Due to (idiotic) copyrights, I can’t find a version of the song that hasn’t had its pitch changed. It irritates me, so I’m not even bothering. Instead, I’m putting up a cover by the very lovely Meghan Tonjes. I kind of adore her, so check out her YouTube channel. Incredibly talented.)

This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go
I’m wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you