Everything’s fucked up right now, I don’t even know how to begin. When you have something constantly weighing you down, the silliest little thing can make you break down. My father is…well, pardon my french, but he’s a dick. He stopped contacting me a couple of years ago and even though I’ve tried to call him and stuff, he still doesn’t want anything to do with my. This, coupled with the fact that I don’t have any siblings, makes me feel lonely. And it’s so fucking unfair, what have I done to deserve this? So, about the silly thing, I haven’t been to an amusement park in five years, and that’s ridiculous, considering how all the people I know go every year. So, I decided I wanted to go this year, turns out, have no one to go with. My (so-called) friends stand me up for reasons I don’t even want to bring up, my Mom is chicken shit so she can’t go on the rides with me. I have no one. So, I cried my eyes out over this realization, and if that isn’t bad enough, my mother tells me that my grandfather is dying. He is fucking dying, WHY GOD, WHY? What have I done to deserve this? I already feel like I have practically no one, you have to take another person I love away? It’s safe to say, I’m not feeling so good right now. Every breath I take feels like a strain and it feels like something is pressing down on my heart. I am falling apart and I have no one to talk to about it. I can’t fucking deal with this. And if my fucking mess of a brain isn’t bad enough, I have to suppress it and put on a brave face to not make my mother feel any worse. God knows I can’t make her feel the burden of my pain on top of hers. She is everything to me, the only person I know won’t leave me. Everyone else will. I’m a fucking fool, I keep on putting my walls down, letting people in…and getting fucking hurt every single time. Well, I’m done with that shit. From now on, no one gets in. If they don’t get in, they can’t hurt me. Sounds like a fucking swell plan to me.
Tune of the Day, for obvious reasons, I’m praying for a fucking miracle, Granpa, you need to be okay. For me, kay? Oh God, I’m crying again. Fuck this shit. Here it is:
Florence + the Machine – Hospital Beds
Come put out the fire on us…