I was following the pack, all swallowed in their coats

Tune of the day CXXXI.

With only one verse, it makes me think of a forest. A tale of red and white. Of night and day. Of moon and sun. Of winter and summer.

(I hadn’t seen the video till now. After the initial shock, it brought a smile to my face to know that my vision and interpretation is shared so closely. What a lovely way to see it come to life.)

With scarves of red tied around their throats
To keep their little heads
From falling in the snow
And I turned around and there you go
And, Michael, you would fall
And turn the white snow red as strawberries
In the summertime 

Juvenile dreams of adulthood.

Hello friends,

Instead of going to school, like I would if I didn’t have the day off, I spent my afternoon exploring with two friends. It was a very pleasant day that included a game of: “Spot the furrball.” We lost count after a while. Such an odd trend. I don’t see it. We went to this really cool music store and got to play all sorts of instruments. Highlights included a mint green acoustic guitar, some dude playing acoustic covers of Lady GaGa songs, a ginormous cello, a pink electric guitar and le grande finale – playing the banjo. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to play the banjo, but that was just an irrelevant technicality. The day also included fawning over pastel clothing that were the only indication that spring is on its way, eating pastries and discussing the future.

It all started with the ever-dreaded question: So, what are you going to do after high-school? Even though I was the one who brought it up, I couldn’t help but groan along with my friends. We started talking about the immense pressure that comes along with deciding what to do after all of this is done. We hear of grown-ups that changed careers on a whim and envy them for having the courage to be so spontaneous. We start dreaming of the ultimate life, being a culture journalist or a graphic designer or an art director. We laughed over the fact that it all started with saying: “I want a cool office that’s minimalistic with a mac computer and an orchid on the desk.”

The discussion got taken a few years back, to this one, when one of us mentioned turning eighteen. About how overrated it seems. Everyone makes a big deal about it and has grown-up dinners, or go clubbing or wishes for a car. Why is this birthday so different? The conversation eventually ended in us saying that we have to try this clubbing thing, even if it’s just to see what it’s like. You always hear about friends that met at a club, or flirts, or loves. It just seems like a totally different world. With rules. Do you dance? Do you hang out at the bar? Do you make eye-contact with strangers? Do you avoid them? Do you go up to someone who seems interesting and just talk? Do you even talk? Is there a certain drink you shouldn’t order? How do you even pay for a drink? Clubbing – a social game that’s a part of being human. And I am only human after all.

Love & E = mc²

Experiment: Mindfuckery to control life. Part uno.


(for you who didn’t catch my, very clear, intents of the last post, I’m doing a little experiment to see how much (or just if) my thoughts and mindset can actually affect the coming day.

part one of the experiment completed. I tried going into the day with a positive attitude, but I don’t really know if it affected my day. It was…meh. Some good things, some bad.

The good things were that I had two small, but nice, conversations with two girls that I don’t really talk to much. Hmm, what else…oh! We played a, really stupid but useful, game in spanish and my team won, me having scored us one point (out of four). So that was a positive. Also, my friend told me this really good joke, or actually, she did this spot-on impersonation of a certain social-climber in our class, and I was so caught off guard that I cracked up…really loudly. Anyways, the joke stuck with me so every now and then, I could remember it and just start chuckling to my self. Also, I borrowed An Abundance of Katherine’s, so I have another John Greene book to read…that’s a major positive. Oh, and I also realized something that made me a lot happier than it should have; I will probably hear Phreckles speak english again! We chose the courses we want to take next year, and I chose English C. He probably did to. It’s going to be wizard. Sooo wizard.

Alright, now the negatives, let’s see. I woke up feeling like shit, my throat was as dry as a bone. But that got better as the day went on. Another negative was that I was late for spanish class, but I don’t really care about that to be honest. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m glad that I missed the train. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have spoken to those two girls. A huge negative was  that I had biology, chemistry and physics. Having those three bombs of subjects = no fun. Lunch sucked, as per usual, so I ended up chewing on some lettuce like a freaking rabbit. And last but not least, no Phreckles. He spent the day taking his Physics nationals, so I only saw him about ten seconds at the end of the day. He rushed in to tell the teacher that he was leaving, and his cheeks were all speckled with red. Poor thing. I know how excruciating that test is. He left for the States before finishing the course, so he had to complete it this semester, while taking the B course with the rest of us. Tough shit.

Alright, now that I assess my observations, I see that nothing of substance happened today, positive or negative. Now that I think about, hardly any one of these things were made possible due to my efforts in staying positive. At least, I don’t think so. Well, the two convos could have been affected, maybe my high spirits made them more enjoyable. All right, all of the positive things could be linked to me being generally “yay life!”. I can’t say the same to the negative ones. So maybe having a positive attitude does brighten your day? I definitely need to count in the fact that I could be searching for the right answer, seeing what I want to see etc. It’s a tricky one. Hmm, we’ll see. I’ll try different things and see what happens.

Love & Post-its

We’re teenagers

Hola amigos,

I’ve been relatively busy this week. And by busy, I mean that I’ve actually had things to do besides just being in the bat cave (also known as my room). I think it’s highly ironic that I’ve spent the majority of the break doing nothing and then suddenly, when I only have a week left, my calendar is booked.

Today, I was in the city with two friends, just roaming around and then grabbing a bit to eat. It was nice, but I felt strange. I was on edge, looking around. It didn’t dawn on me until later – I was looking for Phreckles. Everywhere I looked, I saw reminders of him. I saw a redheaded boy, around the same height, from behind and instantly, my hopes raised. Until I realized the shade was all wrong, he didn’t have that strange mix of cinnamon and copper. Another one wore a checkered dress shirt under a knitted sweater. Someone had the exact same shade of azure in his eyes. Then it got a bit sad. I felt like Fate was messing with me, just because I saw some dude with a random cap that didn’t even resemble one of Phreckles’. But it was a cap. This went on the entire time, and at the end of the day, I wanted to slap myself for being so pathetic.

So now I’m sitting at home, laughing at myself as I’m writing this post. Thinking about what’s happening tomorrow. I’m going out to eat with some friends in the evening, but before that, me and my friend are going into the city again. Do some shopping. Maybe. Hopefully. And now I realize that I’ll probably spend the whole day looking for him again. Sad? Me? No.

Love & Ninjas