What?

Once, I had a dream that I was in this huge city filled with concrete buildings without windows. The whole city was in the same shade of pale gray with the sky a deep charcoal. I was running along with a huge crowd, all heading to a Paramore concert. After running for what felt like hours without getting anywhere (literally running in the same place), I just stopped and realized: Wait, this is just a dream. And then I thought, well it is a Paramore concert, so what the heck, let’s see where this takes us. And then we all arrived at this huge dome where the concert was going to be held. When I woke up, I still had the feeling of elation…until I realized it wasn’t real. But had I actually realized that it was a dream, or was it just a fake realization that was a part of the dream, considering that I just kept on going? And if I really was aware, was it really me being acting “rationally” and choosing to go to the concert, or was I still constricted in my awareness and had to follow the course of the dream? I dunno man, but it was very strange.

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White Lies.

When you see the lights darken. When you feel the anticipation in the room rising. When you hold your breath, the whole world turning silent. When you see them come on the stage. When you let out that first, maniacal scream. When you hear those first chords, so familiar to your ears. When you instantly start screaming the words that have given you so much, along with the people responsible for it. When you’re screaming out the chorus with the tears streaming down your face. When you hear yourself roaring, desperate to show your gratitude by offering your sanity. When you’re going crazy with your best friends, just trying to get the energy out somehow. When you’re swaying with the music, the crowd as one. When you’re in a trance, body moving like a snake to the tunes of the charmer. When you’re remembering everything you’ve been through during three years, with these exact songs as the soundtrack. When you’re hearing the tones you’ve listened to a million times on your iPod live. When you abandon all your senses, jumping and shouting, just to pour out all your love. When you get a little smile from one of the recipients of said love. When it’s all done and you’re standing there in a daze, not fully comprehending the importance of what just happened. When you’re sitting at the fast-food restaurant, sweaty and disgusting, just chugging down your large coke zero while staring blankly at the wall. When you’re sitting in the car, watching the buildings fly by and lights being dragged out into luminescent lines. When you’re saying goodbye to your friends, huddled up in a circle, crying over the magnitude of what just happened. When you’re sitting at home, blogging about everything that happened. When you’re typing in the words, hands shaking, with a smile on your face. That’s when you know.

That’s when you know that you’ve experienced true happiness.

Ritual.

Hello,

The day before a concert usually goes about the same way every time. The day is filled with preparations, both mental and physical. First, it’s thinking of what I’m going to wear. This may sound superficial, but concerts require a certain type of clothes. The outfit has to be comfortable, un-fuck-up-able, and still feel concert-y. Next, it’s packing my bag with everything that might be needed, without making the bag too heavy. Then it’s taking a shower and fixing my hair so that it too is un-fuck-up-able. The last step is getting prepared mentally. This is done by listening to every song created by the band on repeat. Again. And again. And again.

This is where I am now. Tomorrow is the day I’m going to see White Lies live. To hear White Lies live. I’m so excited I don’t know what to do with myself. My hands are shaking and my body is buzzing with excitement. As I hear the words “This is bigger than us.” blast through my ears, I feel like I want to cry. This is bigger than us. I’ve loved this band for three years and finally the day has come. This is huge. I want to put this feeling in a bottle so I can open it up when I’m having an off day, but I can’t. Writing a post is the next-best thing though. I guess this is a new part of my pre-concert ritual. Writing about it the day before. And I’m going to write about it the day after as well. Holy fuck. I’m overwhelmed. But so happy. Oh, I’m so happy I could cry.

Love & White Lies

Now tell me all your fears, I’ll be your greatest fear…

I still remember your voice, it turns my blood cold
The kids are fast asleep, keep them fast asleep
Your soul still haunts these walls, like Taxidermy

Tune of the day, a wonderfully creepy song by one of my favorite bands. I discovered them through a friend about two years ago, and it was so different from the music I listened to back then. It fits perfectly in my current music library though. I’m going to see White Lies the last day of february, and I honestly can’t wait. I ache for the rush of raw emotion only hearing music you love live can evoke. I’ve experienced it twice in my life, and I have to say there hasn’t been situations where I’ve even come close to feeling like I do on concerts. I strive to feel that as many times as possible in my life, because to me – that’s living.

There’s no kiss of life, so baby don’t pretend
With your heart in your throat and a gun to your head
You can burn the money in the fireplace
You keep on telling white lies to the little kids
I think it’s time they knew just what it means to live
Now burn your parents in the fireplace 

Love & basilisks