Will you let yourself let go? Let go.

Tune of the day CXXXVI.

All day, my insides have just been boiling with all these feelings. The feelings brewed, just becoming bigger and bigger, threatening to spill over. I didn’t know what to do, where to begin. And then this song came on shuffle. I exploded. Everything that had been stirring inside of me just came out. All because of this song. This one song that I had almost forgotten. This one song that is perfect in every way. And that’s why it’s the tune of the day.

Safe little house, safe little friends
Safe little thoughts to keep you safe
From all those big bad wolves that eat you up
Safe in your room
Safe as a tomb
Sleep in a coffin made of glass
It takes a big facade to hide the cracks

Can you make this last
Cause now I’m not so sure
Are you up to the task?
Sometimes the sickness is the cure
You’re searching so hard
You’ve lost yourself

Does it help to pray as you’re wasting away
Like a silver screen cliché?
Cause after all we’re actors on a stage
Will it help you to wait for the moment to break
Is it real or is it fake?
All we are just chapters on a page
Cause after all we’re actors on a stage

Here in the now, shedding the doubts
They’ll be no past or future tense
Regrets a waste of time and plans will change
Oh, some for the worst
Some for the best
You know you can always get your way
So worried about what’s next
You lost today

Can you make this last?
Cause now I’m not so sure
Are you up to the task?
Sometimes the sickness is the cure
You’re searching so hard
You’ve lost yourself

Spring Break.

Hello everyone,

just thought I’d tell you about all the things I’ve done these past couple of days. This is my spring break (thus far), in a short manner, in no specific order. I have…

  • Made a summer playlist with over a hundred songs on iTunes.
  • Intended to visit a couple of museums with Succumb, instead ending up doing what we always do.
  • Bought nail polish that I later noted are the colors of each Powerpuff girl. Oh, and midnight blue as well.
  • Painted my nails in one of the colors mentioned above. Bubbles’, I guess.
  • Argued with Mother over whether I actually have the color of the sky on my fingers. Needless to say, I was victorious.
  • Baked the vegan equivalent of apple pie. A rather delicious equivalent, I might add. This was done while listening to earlier mentioned summer playlist.
  • Taken a bubble bath with the songs from So Wrong It’s Right (by All Time Low) playing in the background. Not very relaxing, but that wasn’t really what I was going for.
  • Made myself a tumblr. You can find it here. Effectivizing (dunno if that’s a real word, but don’t care) my blog browsing.
  • Ordered a white lace dress, along with two of my absolute favorite high-waisted jeans from Topshop. I eagerly await my package.
  • Spent my nights huddled up with my laptop, watching movies I’ve always wanted to see, but never had the time to. Including, but not limiting to, Adventureland, 500 Days of Summer and the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The last shocking the bejeezus out of me.
  • Sat in a park with a friend, soaking up the sun and listening to the Xx. And Florence + the Machine of course.
  • Taken photos with my beloved Bellamy (the iPhone).
  • Played ballerina, flailing around in the living room.
  • Dreamt of a certain someone.
Granted, I have more than half of my break left, but I’m pretty satisfied with what I’ve accomplished these past few days. Tomorrow, I’m heading into the city, and the day after that, I’m taking my precious god-daughter to see some sort of animated film. I’m definitely going to paint some eggs as well. Easter time and all. And I have to throw in some meat-eating around sunday as well. No big deal. It’s not like I’ve been living as a pseudo-vegan the last month and a half. Yeah, so that’ll be fun.

Call me a name. Kill me with words. Forget about me, it’s what I deserve.

Wait outside,
I hope the air will serve to remind you,
that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath,
and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest

Tune of the day CXX.

Because I love them. And I love it.

I’ve never told a lie,
and that makes me a liar,
I’ve never made a bet,
but we gamble with desire,
I’ve never lit a match,
with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames,
are getting out of control

I want to see your face and know I’ve made it home.

All Time Low is seriously the only thing that gives me comfort right now. Take away the pain. A soothing balm to my aching soul.

Strange maze, what is this place?
I hear voices over my shoulder,
Nothing’s making sense at all.
Wonder, why do we race?
When everyday we’re runnin’ in circles,
Such a funny way to fall.
Tried to open up my eyes,
I’m hopin’ for a chance to make it alright.

Here’s to the fast times, the times we felt alive; to all the nights that we forgot to get back home.

I’m only writing this ’cause I feel like I have to write something today. I’m seventeen today and it feels…really anti-climatic. Not that I was expecting anything special today, but I had hopes. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, ya know? Yeah, so anyways, I didn’t get many “congrats” but that didn’t bother me. What did bother me just a bit was that this super popular girl (that I’ve never noticed…ever) apparently also had her birthday today, which is cool, but not when the a gazillion people are congratulating her. It was kind of like the whole school was poking fun at me. Good for her, I guess. Oh well, whatevs. The most disappointing part of the day is that I only had english lesson for half an hour…like, that was my only class today. Man, I could’ve had the day off. Oh, and I didn’t get to see Freckles today either. Big bummer. That’s a temporary nickname btw. Have to look on the bright side though, it wasn’t a horrible day. A funny thing is that I’ve now had two birthday tunes sung to me via text – Celebration and The Party Scene.  Kool and the Gang, All Time Low, poteytow, potahtow. Oh and I had a good hair day, which is rare. Another good thing…actually, awesome thing: I got MTV Rocks back again. Yayzers.

Mmkay, tune of the day, hopefully the coming year will be more like this song. 17 feels like a big one, I should make the most of it.

Stay seventeen, I guess

Forgive me, I’m trying to find my calling. I’m calling at night…

RAMBLING ALERT! Just thought I’d warn ya, it’s confusing as hell. 

I wonder if it really is possible to move on when you lose your true love…or, at least who you think is your true love at the time. Some people think that you just have to move on…and they do. Pretty successfully. Is that really true love though? Some feel like dying, like they can’t ever be okay again. Is that all in their head? Are you weak if you don’t even try to move on, strong if you pretend that it never happened? Maybe it depends on the person. Is there really only one true love? I mean, I think that’s the case, but you can’t ever be sure, right? And sometimes you hear about people being with someone, thinking that he/she is the one, but then later find their true “The One”. Is it really that easy to confuse the two? Is it just a difference between infatuation and love, or can that be true love too?  In that case, in what way? I mean, it’s not like you love a friend, but still not as deep as the love you feel for your soulmate. Or maybe it is? That was a whole lot of questions, a few half-assed theories…and zero fucking answers haha. I feel like that’s always the case with me, or probably people in general, you never know anything for sure. At least not about the things that go on in the head…or heart, I guess.

Tune of the Day now. A lovely, but sad, song by the band mentioned in previous post. Thank you D for introducing me to their…I don’t know what the hell to call it hahaha, it’s awesome though! (Oh, and for not being anal about keeping good bands secret. Because what have we learned? That’s right boys and girls: sharing is caring. LOL. No, but you know what I mean). Here it is:

All Time Low – Remembering Sunday


‘Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t want to waste another minute…here.

I think this is the beginning of a new era of my life. An era where I won’t give a fuck, do stupid things and not be ashamed, having fun and just being fucking retarded. Thank you All Time Low, for showing me the way to a more enjoyable life. Oh, and btw, I’m so stoked about seeing them. Rocking the fuck out on their concert, acting dumb, moshing and just having a good ol’ time. Not to mention the fact that I’ll actually get to meet them, so awesome! So yeah, we’ll see what kind of shenanigans we’ll get into. I’m sure it’ll be thoroughly entertaining. So, maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year!

Until later, Peace out…

“I got ‘jambon’ tattooed on my dick.”