Deflower and abandon.

So I had a couple of dreams last night, and I thought I’d document them since I haven’t done that in a while. But as I feel my heartbeat quickening, I have a feeling that I’ll regret writing about one of them because I’d rather forget that one.

It took a while before I could remember the first dream, probably because the second one made such a strong impression. So apparently, I lost my virginity last night. Or I guess I should say, my subconscious virginity. I’d been close to doing that once before. I think it was during the summer, it was pretty late in the morning but I was fast asleep (no school to keep you from sleeping in), and Michael Cera was just about to pop my cherry when…I got a text message. From this one. Yes, my dear old friend the Subconscious Cockblocker (I should just call you S.C. from now on). Yeah so anyways, this time it was Taylor Lautner who got cast as the cherry-popper. At least I think we went all the way. I dunno it was implied, like a PG-13 movie. It’s funny how some things are left out in dreams because my mind has no idea how to conjure that image, I don’t have any experience to draw inspiration from. All I can remember is that he was panting a lot and that I was on top. Now that I think of it, I don’t even think that we finished. Oh my God how sucky am I at having sex dreams?

Yeah so that was kind of funny. But then I woke up at 5 am and decided to force myself to sleep again…bad idea. Fucking horrible idea actually. I had a proper nightmare. I was in a huge mansion in the middle of nowhere, it was literally just beige sand as far as the eye could see, and I had a bunch of friends over for a pre-party. Everyone had changed into their “party clothes” except me and I was like: “Wait for me!” The bathroom was occupied, so I was like banging on the door and shouting that I need to change. And then the bathroom was empty and I went in to change. While I was changing, I noticed that the walls were of glass and outside was a girl with black glossy eyes and blood pouring out of her mouth. I was terrified and ran out to find that everyone had left. Then I realized that I didn’t have my contacts in and my glasses were in the bathroom. This time, there were two girls outside, staring blankly with the blood staining their white dresses. Once again, I was horrified and ran out. This time, I could hear that there were a bunch of people in the next room and my mother appeared. I asked where my friends were but she just answered: “They left.” and went back to the crowd. As soon as she left, everything turned dead silent and I felt this painful pressure in my ears. All the windows shattered and everything turned black.

I really hate my mind sometimes.

What?

Once, I had a dream that I was in this huge city filled with concrete buildings without windows. The whole city was in the same shade of pale gray with the sky a deep charcoal. I was running along with a huge crowd, all heading to a Paramore concert. After running for what felt like hours without getting anywhere (literally running in the same place), I just stopped and realized: Wait, this is just a dream. And then I thought, well it is a Paramore concert, so what the heck, let’s see where this takes us. And then we all arrived at this huge dome where the concert was going to be held. When I woke up, I still had the feeling of elation…until I realized it wasn’t real. But had I actually realized that it was a dream, or was it just a fake realization that was a part of the dream, considering that I just kept on going? And if I really was aware, was it really me being acting “rationally” and choosing to go to the concert, or was I still constricted in my awareness and had to follow the course of the dream? I dunno man, but it was very strange.

Rebel rendevouz.

A short one (but not really now that I’ve written it).

I thoughtlessly walk down the science majors’ hall, to a man in his mid-twenties. The man has coiffed, black hair, and is wearing a jean shirt, black jeans and black cons. Though he has his shirt sleeves rolled up, his arms are covered by another kind of sleeves. Vibrant colors, intricate patterns weave through each other to form beautiful motives. His tattoos mesmerize me. I realize that they are the reason for me approaching him in the first place. The vague sight of color hypnotized me. The man gives me a surprised smile and I ask him about the ink, not caring about the fact that I don’t know him at all. We chat for bit, with a generous amount of flirting, until the bell rings. Apparenty, he has some kind of task in a different part of school, and we have to part ways. On the way to the classroom I’m met with whispers that run through the crowd of studens lining up along the hall. It’s considered scandalous for a student to interact with one of the older guys, but I don’t seem to care. I am late to class, but still running with the rebel thing, so I cockily strut around the tables to my seat in the far back. The burning stares of the students only feed my attitude, and the only thing that causes me to react is someone humming the melody to “I Fell in Love With a Girl”, by the White Stripes, and when I turn my head to the source of the sound, I see the tattooed man sitting there. I don’t show my surprise, instead choosing to throw a flirty smirk his way. After I’ve sat down, I discreetly sneak a glance at him, trying to be nonchalant, and see him stand up. He walks up to me and leans in to whisper something. I put my hand on his neck, but quickly take it back. His skin feels like it’s on fire. I check my hand, but nothing is different. He tells me to meet him in the gazebo after sundown, and then just walks away. With the sound of the teacher scolding someone in the background, I ponder which gazebo he could be talking about. A light switch flips. I get an image of a beautiful white gazebo in my head, wrapped in tiny, white lights and surrounded by lilies. I smile to myself, thinking that I shouldn’t be surprised that he knows about that place. The bell rings us out, indicating the end of the day…

And then I wake up.

Smiles through a purple haze.

That was the first night I dreamt of P***** U***** (also known as Phreckles).

Everything is in pastels. I’m sitting in this beautiful garden, filled with flowers made of jewels and birds chirping. In the background, I hear wind chimes, nothing out of the ordinary, seeing as I pay no attention to it. I’m sitting at a backgammon table that seats four, the pieces in mint green and salmon pink instead of the usual red and black. Next to me, there’s an old, very elegant man whose presence oozes with authority. Across from him, his wife sits a beauty with auburn hair streaked with silver. I look in front of me and see Phreckles sitting in front of me. The man starts saying something about a mission and we’re clearly aware of the situation. From what I can gather, the man is head of a mafia family that me and Phreckles are working for. He and his wife are our bosses, but also kind of parental figures, they tell us to relax for a bit before it all starts. Suddenly, Phreckles starts talking to me, peppering me with questions. In pleasantly surprised and we have this long conversation about something I can’t remember. Then, the man makes some comment about him liking me, amused by our interaction. Phreckles blushes and looks down, mumbling something about checking out a certain tent. He walks away and the woman says that it’s obvious that he likes me. I’m sceptic, but after they probe me to go after him, I leave. Then I’m at this big music festival with huge white tents. The grass is azure and the sky a pale peach. I go from tent to tent, searching after him. After what feels like an eternity, I decide to give up. When this happens, I’m in some tent where a bunch of people is sitting in a circle. I join them and a hookah is passed around. I take a deep drag, feeling the apple-flavored smoke fill my lungs, and as I release my breath, a lilac puff of smoke hazing my vision, I see Phreckles sitting next to me, smiling. He takes my hand, and as we sit there in the violet, smoky tent…

I wake up.

Eerie gathering.

Hi y’all,                                             

I had this crazy dream last night and I just have to write it down. I’m supposed to be studying right now, school is really trying to slaughter me these days, so I’m just sneaking around on the net on my phone. So please forgive me if there are any errors, I’m too lazy to check my spelling. Anyways, to the dream.                  

I’m on my way home from the cinema with three of my friends, in the middle of the night, we’re walking through my neighborhood when we see a soccer field to our right, where a bunch of kids are skating. I notice that one of the kids is this boy who goes to my school. I should probably mention that my school’s half an hour away from where I live and there’s no way in hell that boy skates. So we keep on walking, and suddenly, this carriage passes us with a boy on it. He’s standing on a skateboard and has these weird looking knives strewn around him. I get this bad feeling, but we keep on walking. A few feet ahead, there’s a big crowd of people. It was like a nighttime underground party. The crowd consisted of a bunch of gypsies and skater, all looking very creepy. There’s more of the knives all around the ground and everywhere, there are little bottles of green liquid that resembles arsenic. The people are drinking the unknown liquid and are being rowdy. I freak out and look to my friends, but can only see one – the others have disappeared. The remaining friend gives me an unsettling smile and walks toward the people. One of the skaters give her a purple velvet dress which she puts on, and then she takes a shot of the green stuff. Out of nowhere, she whips out this cube made of glass and smashes it on the ground. She picks up the big, very sharp, shards and I immediately know what she’s going to do – she’s going to try to kill me. I start running, eventually running so fast that everything around me turns blurry. When I look behind me, I see that my friend, although that formality is now debatable, is right there, flinging the shards, just barely missing me, with an evil smile. I eventually reach the apartment door and almost give a sigh of relief, until I see that the door is locked. I’m desperately janking the door knob when I feel a sharp jab in my back. My final thought is: “I’m dying.” and then I wake up.                                                 

I love how my dreams always creep my out. Me and my friends in class have started reading about lucid dreaming, one of us frequently stumble into DILD, but our ultimate goal is WILD. We want to really master it. Imagine the possibilities…

…uhm…so…yeah.

Yo yo yiggidy-yo,

I’m just sneaking in a little blogging in the middle of studying. That’s going to be happening a lot now that I’m supposed to fill my time with more important things, although that is debatable, than surfing the interwebs. Anyways, so I had another one of those WTF-worthy dreams last night, and I thought I’d document it. I should probably make a “dream” category, since it seems to be a subject of importance. At least, to me. Okay, so here’s the dream.

I’m in this cubical room that’s entirely gray. The whole room is bare, except for the exceptionally old computer that I’m sitting in front of. I’m reading a book about the bird-apocalypse online, and suddenly, I’m inside of the book.

For some reason, I know that I have entered at a time before the actual apocalypse. I calmly walk into an empty storage room, but as soon as I’m inside, the door closes with a loud bang. I’m startled and start panicking. I frantically wiggle the doorknob, but the door is locked. I stand in the room, waiting for the apocalypse to happen, because apparently, I know when that is.

After a while, I know it’s over, and subsequently, I know that the door is unlocked. I go outside and people are running everywhere. I see families running to their cars and driving away, fleeing from something. I see hobos in corners, writing something on a billboards with blue paint. The hobos all have a blank stare and don’t look at the paper as they’re writing. I catch sight of a huge sign on a tall building, that says: “We will fly high.”

As I look up to the sky, I see that it’s nearly blackened by a huge horde of birds, some beelining towards the ground to attack the people. I instantly decide that I have to find a way out of the book, and the way to do that is to get in touch with reality – I need to remember sitting in front of that computer, reading the book.

For some reason, I can’t do this, and I start getting frustrated. That’s when Jacob Black walks past me, he has a determined stare and, obviously, a certain goal. Apparently, we have something (romantically?) together, because I shout his name, trying to get his attention. He continues walking. Then I realize that I just need to say it as it is (whatever it is), and in a matter-of-fact tone, I say: “I need you to kiss me.” He stops and comes to me. We kiss. A lot. With tongue. After that I kiss him on the cheek as a silent thanks and tell him to be careful. He bitterly says “It’s all his fault.” (whoever he is), and reluctantly promises to hurry back. Then a light flashes before my eyes and…I wake up.

Okay, this is another dream I don’t know what to say to. It’s obviously inspired, if I can even call it that, by some book I read about on Wikipedia that’s about the apocalypse, by Eclipse, and by a bunch of other stuff I can’t think of. On the up-side, I got to first base. Which has never happened before in a dream. Or rather, has never happened before period. I have strange dreams when I’m ill. Alright, I have strange dreams period.

Two glowing heads, going into the light together

Hi,

I had another dream. This one was more random than disturbing, but confusing all the same.

I’m in the hallways of my old school, watching a boy that’s at the end of it. The hallways look like they are stretched into an infinity, and though I see the boy, the only thing I can decipher from the distance is that he has black hair and pale skin. Despite this, it’s apparent that I know who he is. Suddenly, although I skipped the actual lesson part, school’s finished and I’m sitting outside the classroom, wondering what the black-haired boy is up to. I see him standing with some other boys, which surprises me. For some reason I know that he doesn’t usually hang out with them. One moment, I’m looking at him from afar, and the next, I’m standing on a mountain with my friend, looking down at what appears to be our school yard. We’re looking down at a huge sandbox, where Courage the Cowardly Dog is being harassed by some shady looking boys. The boys leave and Courage switches shape, as he often does, to fill out the entire sandbox. He looks up at us and says: “I need your help”. I’m confused, but my friend has a plan. We go to the school café and, apparently, my task is to get four cups of hot cocoa. We don’t have much time, so as I’m fixing the drinks, my hands are shaking with the adrenaline. I try to balance the cups and rush to the exit, but I don’t get very far. The hot cocoa goes up in the ait as I trip and hit the floor with a loud thud. Everyone in the café starts laughing at me, and I notice that the black-haired boy, whose identity is still unknown, is there as well. For some reason, this makes me feel particularly glum. I’m sitting on the floor, feeling mortified, and when a girl, from the grade below mine, makes a snide remark, rage colors my vision red. I start shouting at her, calling her a “filthy brat” and a “five-year-old slag”. Harsh words, I know, but it was…dream-me, and not reality-me. Ahem. So, she looks at me with a horrified expression, tells me my head is glowing, and scurries off. I just sit there for a while, puzzled by her comment and in a daze from my sudden outburst. Then, the  black-haired boy approaches me. His head is glowing too. He helps me up, and together we walk towards the exit of the café. He opens the door and the outside is just an incredibly bright light. Just as we’re about to enter it…I wake up.

I don’t really know what to make of it. I have so many questions: Who was the boy? Why was my head glowing? Did I die at the end? Why did Courage need help? Actually, the question should be: What was Courage the Cowardly Dog doing in my school in the first place? Oh, and the most important question: What was the plan that included four cups of hot cocoa? So many questions, yet not one with a reasonable answer.

Love & cartoons