I reside here now.
A funny thing about my “Regn” playlist is that I always end up listening to it. When it’s raining and when it’s not. When it’s cold and when it’s warm. When it’s summer and when it’s winter. When it’s night and when it’s day. When it’s light and when it’s dark. It’s always rain, rain, rain. What does this mean? That my songs aren’t really suited for only rain at all? But when I look at the list, it’s exactly what I think of – cold, wet, drizzling rain. So is it always raining? I think that it is. It’s always raining in my head. Whether I’m happy or sad, tired or excited, there’s always the pitter patter of drops hitting the window in the background. So, whenever I feel like it, I know that “Regn” will always be there to welcome me.
Playlist – Regn
1. The Perishers – Trouble Sleeping
2. Death Cab for Cutie – Transatlanticism
3. Dios Malos – You Got Me All Wrong
4. Bright Eyes – Lover I Don’t Have to Love
5. Broken Social Scene – Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old
6. Ryan Adams – Wonderwall (Oasis Cover)
7. Mazzy Star – Into Dust
8. Bright Eyes – Bad Blood
9. Aqualung – Strange and Beautiful
10. Nada Surf – Your Legs Grow
11. Yo La Tengo – Autumn Sweater
12. Bon Iver – Bracket, WI
13. Band of Horses – Cigarettes, Wedding Bands
14. Death Cab for Cutie – Crooked Teeth
15. Iron and Wine – Each Coming Night
16. Bon Iver – Flume
17. José González – Heartbeats (The Knife Cover)
18. Mumford and Sons – I Gave You All
19. The White Stripes – In the Cold, Cold Night
20. Paramore – Misguided Ghosts
21. The Shins – New Slang
22. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Soft Shock (Acoustic Version)
23. Iron and Wine – Such Great Heights (Postal Service Cover)
24. M. Craft – Dragonfly
25. Bloc Party – Signs
26. Blue Foundation – Eyes On Fire
27. Sonic Youth – Superstars (The Carpenters Cover)
28. Florence and the Machine – Hospital Beds (Cold War Kids Cover)
29. Coconut Records – Microphone
30. Sea Wolf – Black Dirt
Calimera, calispera, calinichta.
I’m sitting on one of those chairs that feel utterly commercial and forced, yet oddly authentic, looking at the incredible view before me. The chair is blue and white, the two colors that seem to cover nearly everything on this island. In this country. From the white film of salt covering the rocks, feeling warm under my feet, to the almost unbelievable shade of the clear, blue sky. From the foamy turquoise of the ocean, to the white seagull which hovers above it, trying to spot its prey. It’s not only the product of man that’s blue and white here, it’s everything. And though one could argue that the blatant patriotism is the reason for this, to me, it seems to me that the people are merely imitating what is already there, and has been there for ages.
I take in my surroundings, marvelling at how foreign it all looks. The dry, maroon mountains tower over me on the east, south, and west side, framing what’s before me. The faint sound of goats can be heard, defying all logic and climbing to the very top. On my north, I see water. An ocean that stretches so far, it feels infinite. The logical part of my brain has disappeared and I squint to see if it actually is just that, when I see a faded silhouette of an island. No, not an island, I realize. It’s Africa. I sigh and think to myself:
Is this just a dream?
I continue taking it all in, while listening to my summer playlist. Suddenly, a song comes on. No, not any song, but the song. Pachuca Sunrise, by Minus the Bear, starts playing. A shiver runs down my spine and the blood starts coursing through my veins. This is perfect. Absolutely perfect. And I feel so happy that I could burst, because I never thought that I would get to do this. Hear the words “Midnight on a beach in the Mediterranean.” and actually be there, having seen a midnight on the beach in the Mediterranean. Knowing how the air feels completely silent at that time, only occasionally being interrupted by a gentle breeze. Knowing that it never really is a night, but only a dimmed day. Knowing that it’s a completely different world.
I remember the night before, laying on the rocks, gazing up at the millions of stars I’d never be able to see back home. Thinking that I was actually looking back in time. I felt so tiny. I’d just had the most painful hour of my existence, purging, experiencing delirium and eventually passing out, and I just laid there feeling empty. Peaceful. There’s nothing like the peace after purging. The calm after the storm. Me and a girl discussed life. Death. Everything. We spoke about the past, the present and the future, and I realized that this was one of those moments. One of those moments that would be etched in my soul forever. Because looking up at the stars, and thinking about the universe, I felt the vastness of it all. I really did.
Midnight on a beach in the Mediterranean. And I miss you, sitting here taking it all in.
I’m really big on the idea of having a bucket list. Having a list of things you want to have done before you die. It’s not like I have a concrete one, but I often ind myself doing something and then thinking: “Wow, to think that I actually got to experience this. To be able to say that I’ve done this.” Some are big and some are small, but all of them are equally important. So I thought that I could have a separate category for it, so I can look back and remember all the things that I never thought that I’d actually get to do, but somehow did. A really nice category, don’t you think?
Several years have passed since I first started this thing, and I’ve come a long way, but there’s still something I hardly know anything about – you guys. If you exist, that is. Write me a little something about yourself in the comments? Or something random, whichever is fine. It’d just make everything a little more real, you know?
I got a tattoo.
There, it’s out there. I’ve sat here for far too long, trying to figure out the best way to describe this thing. It’s all so….big. Huge. Just…honestly, there are no words for it. There are so many layers to what I’m feeling that it just comes out as nothing. It’s not only the aspect of having a tattoo, it’s also having this particular tattoo, having actually gone through with the decision, having sat through it, having taken the step, to be willing to face all the crap I probably will have to take for it, and dealing with the very little amount of crap that’s already been thrown at me.
I regret nothing.
And I know that I won’t. I just do. Because it’s so what I am, and now it’s been manifested as a physical part of me, as real as my skin, my brain and my heart. It’s me, and now everyone can see it. So if someone judges my tattoo, they judge me, and that’s fine. Because, like with everything else about me, if you don’t like it, then you can just walk away. Actually, run, because I don’t want you near me anyways.
I’ve been obsessed with tattoos in general for years now, and I’ve seen pictures of countless pieces of art. And even though my tattoo is about the shape of three coins, and don’t have any fancy designs or colors, it’s still the most beautiful tattoo I have ever seen. Because it is my life.
Faith, hope and love.