Scattered.

(Warning: The following content is a bona-fide rant featuring stream of consciousness. There will be disjointed and trivial statements throughout.)

My mind is all over the place and I have to apologize to myself for not being…whole these days. Time just flows together into a flurry of nothing that takes up the space of more than something. Days go by unnoticeably and nights are marred by unsettling dreams. From the feeling of being watched, to the sense of being hunted, and just recently, the end of the world. Literally. A zombie apocalypse. Why am I sleeping so deeply, and so frighteningly? I wake up with a headache, and a pounding heart. Fear. I am weary to leave the room and entering the world, the blinding light from outside making me cower deeper into the comfort of the darkness under my blanket. Like a newborn child. But then, I force myself to get up, because life moves on. And the final step outside is a gate. A teleport. A time machine that fast forwards my day until I’m at the end. Confused. And now my thoughts are all jumbled. And Remember Me made me cry. And my faith is being tested. And my tenacity. And Henry is gone (where are you?). And people are posting pictures of tie-dye prints. And the sun will die. It’ll be in a gazillion years but it will happen. And then it’ll all be gone. And I don’t care if it’s my grandgrandgrandgrand -> infinity children, it’ll still happen. So why aren’t we trying to come up with a solution? Are we just going to leave them hanging and say “Oh well, not our problem.”? Maybe we will have time travel then. Or a way to teleport to another planet. I hope so. I really, really do. And my nails are crimson. And crushed crimson velvet is occupying my thoughts. And I think that I might be growing up, college and clubbing and being legal and having responsibilities. And being social. Oh, how I loathe the social scene. And need it to function properly throughout the day. And jelly beans. And why am I taking Spanish again? To learn Spanish.  Right.And why does the sound of Phreckles speaking in english make me want to dissolve into a puddle of nothing? To learn Spanish. No, wait. Hmm…pass. Right. And I have finally gotten over my oxymoron, which isn’t even an accomplishment, just about time. And the thought of death. Which opens up a big case of emotions. Let’s close that case. *Closes case*. And my overuse of punctuation. It’s bad. Or is it? No, I think it’s fine. It’s my “style”. Gag. Alright, my signature. And the thought that maybe becoming a nun would be easier, to run from real life. Or maybe join the Amish. And Crete is coming soon. And I’m losing touch with reality. And I’m not sad. I’m not sad. I’m not sad. I’m just confused. Really confused. Time time time. The only thing that’s constant.

My brain is ready to explode.

Adele.

I heard that you’re settled down. That you found a girl and you’re married now. I heard that your dreams came true. Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you. Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain’t like you to hold back, or hide from the light. I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited, but I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t fight it. I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over. You know how the time flies. Only yesterday, it was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze. Bound by the surprise of our glory days. Nothing compares, no worries or cares. Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. “Don’t forget me.” I begged. I remember, you said:

“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”