I remember how it took you down, as the winter turned the meadow brown.

Tune of the day CXLII.

I don’t want the summer to ever end. Can I have my invincible été now, please? Okay, so it has to. It will. Soon. Well, can I at least be assured a nice fall? A bearable winter? No? Alright then, I’ll just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

The door slammed loud and rose up a cloud of dust on us
Footsteps follow, down through the hollow sound, torn up

And you will go to Mykonos
With a vision of a gentle coast
And a sun to maybe dissipate
Shadows of the mess you made

How did any holes in the snow tipped pines, I find
Hatching from the seed of your thin mind, all night?

And you will go to Mykonos
With a vision of a gentle coast
And a sun to maybe dissipate
Shadows of the mess you made

Brother you don’t need to turn me away
I was waiting down at the ancient gate

You go
Wherever you go today
You go today

I remember how they took you down
As the winter turned the meadow brown

You go
Wherever you go today
You go today

When I’m walking brother don’t you forget
It ain’t often you’ll ever find a friend

You go
Wherever you go today
You go today 

 

Hurt.

I haven’t felt this way all summer, and I haven’t missed it at all. This heavy rock pushing down on my chest, filled with ugly, dark emotions. I hate this so much. The loneliness tugs at me, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s causing it, and I don’t know how to make it go away. Fearing the unknown is as natural to humans as breathing, and this is the Unknown that I fear the most, second only to death itself. I feel sad and I don’t know why. It hurts.

It hurts so fucking bad.

Summer.

Hello.

These past couple of weeks have been fantastic. I’ve had this amazing job, spending some quality time with one of the few non-living things I love – books. I had fun every day, and learned a few things from my supervisor. I saw the last HP film, which was the epitome of bittersweetness. Mostly sweet though. I’ve been to a festival, which was one of the craziest experiences I’ve ever had. It included seeing some awesome bands, crying at a few concerts, dancing with strangers, moshing, and laughing at silly things…like seeing someone you used to consider to be pretty bland fucked up. And I mean really fucked up. Just generally living in the moment. Oh, and what might be the biggest thing – I’m getting a tattoo. Well, I’ll have to wait six months, but it’s happening. Which is bigger than getting a tattoo would normally be. Because I never do these kind of things. Things that aren’t neutral, things that can’t be taken back. I feel like I’m improving. At least I’m trying to. And trying is the first step, right?

But there’s still something missing. There’s a void, and I keep telling myself that I should be focusing on me, and let the other stuff come later, but it’s easier said than done. I thought that the summer would make me forget him. That the infatuation would fade when the “object” was taken away. I think that it had the opposite effect. Which is bad. And good. Or I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to see when ordinary life kicks in again. Maybe this is a good thing. In any case, I’m going to focus on the here and now, and try to really enjoy my life. Because I know that I’m really lucky to have it.

Xx.

Deathly Hallows.

I went to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2, and it was…very interesting to say the least. I’ll start with the “before” part first, because well, I want to remember that. We watched part 1 at my place first, and I have to say, I was more antsy than anything. I just wanted to get to the theater as fast as possible and see how it all ended. The anxiety, joy, nervousness, excitement and grief didn’t come until later. I guess I didn’t fully grasp what was actually happening.

Anyways, so we get there three hours early, and have two freaking hours to kill when we’re done eating. We spent the first half hour just looking around and trying to spot who was an HP fan and who just came for the food. We came to the conclusion that we were the only ones and started freaking out. That freaking out was for the lack of fans. Then they arrived. And cue freaking out over the actual presence of fans. Sure, we we’re kind of expecting the costumes, but it was different seeing it in real life. And I mean really different. There was a freaking Voldemort, for goodness’ sake! They were all walking around, looking all nerdy, and then we were bummed. Because we wanted to be nerdy too. The solution ended up being to…well, not give a fuck, and just make a joke out of it. A loving joke. I drew a lightning bolt on my forehead with lipstick and I (not-so) vaguely recall a wand being made out of straws. It was fun. Of course, we realized that nothing mattered once the movie started, but that wasn’t until later.

Which brings us to the actual movie. Let’s get serious for a while here. That was the most amazing film that has ever been made. And it probably will be for all eternity, because honestly – how can you top that? It was the perfect ending of the best story that has ever been told. I am in awe of how good that movie was, and I feel so incredibly honored to have been a part of it. To actually have experienced it from the beginning, until the end. And what an ending it was. That was exactly what HP deserved. Had the ending been just a tad less than what it was, I would have been completely devastated. But now I didn’t get a chance to get angry, because how could I demand more than the perfect ending it actually got? No words can properly describe that movie, but the one that comes closest is perfection. And I mean it literally. Flawless. And I cried and I cried and I cried. I mourned the deaths of the characters I’d come to love, and I cried with joy over the fact that the war finally ended. They got peace. And it was with this that I could finally get peace. I had finally realized that it really wasn’t the end, it couldn’t be even if I wanted it to. It’s a part of me, and it will be forever. Just as the story will live on forever. So all I have to say the story of Harry Potter is thank you.

From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.

Tune of the day CXL.

Just hearing the very first line for the very first time made me want to cry. This is such an amazing song. One of those gems. And I’ve chosen to post two versions of it, mainly because I couldn’t decide which I wanted on her, but also because I’ll be seeing both Dum Dum Girls and the legendary Morrissey (former lead singer of The Smiths) this week. I’m losing my music festival virginity. Color me fucking stoked.

Yeah so, even though I’m posting two versions, you don’t actually have to listen to both. There are like a gazillion covers of this song, but the only one I could find by girls, and coincidentally the best one imo, was this one. Add the fact that Dum Dum Girls are awesome, and you have a winning concept. The result is a rougher, rockier version of the original. I love the juxtaposition of the raw instrumentals and Dee Dee’s melodical voice. And the fact that it’s an all girl band makes it that much more badass. However, the original is the original. And The Smith’s version is just heavenly, soft and strong and dreamy and angsty all at the same time. 90’s music at its best (well it was released twice, once in 1986 and again as a single in 1992, so it’s actually straddling the line between the decades. But I still think that it feels like a 90’s song). So just pick which one you’d rather hear and click play. Though it would make me extra-super-duper happy if you listened to both. Naturally.

Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
Who are young and alive