Close your eyes to corral a virtue, is this fooling anyone else?

Never worked so long and hard to cement a failure…

Hello poppets,

just doing some quick blogging. I just wasted another evening studying and after that, I decided to see just exactly how much I have going on these days. I have reached the conclusion that I have at least one important task in literally every subject, I just ask myself what I ask every time school throws something flabbergasting at me: is this even legal? Something that surprises me, and if I’m being honest, kind of amazes me, is how school always manages to trump itself with every assignment. It’s so overwhelming that I almost laugh. Almost. What worries me a bit is the fact that I’m not ready to crawl under a rock yet. It’s like I see the mountain of work I have ahead of me, and I pity myself. I sympathize with myself, when I clearly should be empathizing…considering I’m the one who should be having the feeling in the first place. And by saying this, I don’t mean that fretting over studying is the right thing to do, it’s just that I know myself, and this is exactly the kind of thing that would make me all emo. I’m worried for myself. So it’s kind of the right feeling, but for the wrong reason. Maybe I’m over-thinking it. Maybe I should just enjoy being chill. I’m just scared that it’ll all come crashing down at once. I really don’t want to have an anxiety attack, especially when I need my brain the most. Oh well, I’ll just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Tune of the day, a song that I’ve underestimated in the past, I was studying for a Spanish test when it came on shuffle and the intro kinda overthrew me. Not that the intro itself is so extraordinary, but I just wasn’t expecting hearing this song I didn’t even remember having. It was definitely a wow-moment.

We can blow on our thumbs and posture,
But the lonely is such delicate things,
The wind from a wasp could blow them,
Into the sea,
With stones on their feet,
Lost to the light and the loving we need,

And still to come,
The worst part and you know it,
There is a numbness,
In your heart and it’s growing.

Love & nebulas

Eerie gathering.

Hi y’all,                                             

I had this crazy dream last night and I just have to write it down. I’m supposed to be studying right now, school is really trying to slaughter me these days, so I’m just sneaking around on the net on my phone. So please forgive me if there are any errors, I’m too lazy to check my spelling. Anyways, to the dream.                  

I’m on my way home from the cinema with three of my friends, in the middle of the night, we’re walking through my neighborhood when we see a soccer field to our right, where a bunch of kids are skating. I notice that one of the kids is this boy who goes to my school. I should probably mention that my school’s half an hour away from where I live and there’s no way in hell that boy skates. So we keep on walking, and suddenly, this carriage passes us with a boy on it. He’s standing on a skateboard and has these weird looking knives strewn around him. I get this bad feeling, but we keep on walking. A few feet ahead, there’s a big crowd of people. It was like a nighttime underground party. The crowd consisted of a bunch of gypsies and skater, all looking very creepy. There’s more of the knives all around the ground and everywhere, there are little bottles of green liquid that resembles arsenic. The people are drinking the unknown liquid and are being rowdy. I freak out and look to my friends, but can only see one – the others have disappeared. The remaining friend gives me an unsettling smile and walks toward the people. One of the skaters give her a purple velvet dress which she puts on, and then she takes a shot of the green stuff. Out of nowhere, she whips out this cube made of glass and smashes it on the ground. She picks up the big, very sharp, shards and I immediately know what she’s going to do – she’s going to try to kill me. I start running, eventually running so fast that everything around me turns blurry. When I look behind me, I see that my friend, although that formality is now debatable, is right there, flinging the shards, just barely missing me, with an evil smile. I eventually reach the apartment door and almost give a sigh of relief, until I see that the door is locked. I’m desperately janking the door knob when I feel a sharp jab in my back. My final thought is: “I’m dying.” and then I wake up.                                                 

I love how my dreams always creep my out. Me and my friends in class have started reading about lucid dreaming, one of us frequently stumble into DILD, but our ultimate goal is WILD. We want to really master it. Imagine the possibilities…

I want to see your face and know I’ve made it home.

All Time Low is seriously the only thing that gives me comfort right now. Take away the pain. A soothing balm to my aching soul.

Strange maze, what is this place?
I hear voices over my shoulder,
Nothing’s making sense at all.
Wonder, why do we race?
When everyday we’re runnin’ in circles,
Such a funny way to fall.
Tried to open up my eyes,
I’m hopin’ for a chance to make it alright.

Survival of the fittest.

Hello,

we’ve been talking a lot about evolution in school these past couple of days. Discussions about morals, ethics, science, religion, the meaning of life etc. The (vast) majority of my class are strict believers in evolution. They praise Darwin and take every opportunity they get to point out that we are nothing but animals. Superior to all other animals, but animals none the less. I myself take a different approach to all of this. I consider myself a religious person, in my definition of the word, but I guess most people would call it spiritual if I just explained the practicalities of my faith. I’m catholic, but I don’t take the Bible in a literal sense as the conventional christian would. I choose to focus on the messages the stories in the Bible, and not necessarily the actual content. So I believe that the creatures that’s on earth right now have evolved from species that existed a long time ago. Evolution, I guess. But I still have my doubts, not just about the theory itself, but what it would mean.

One of my thoughts regarding this is a short one. We were discussing the human being’s selfishness in class, and people kept mentioning that it’s in our nature and that it’s been like since the beginning of time. Animals have to fight for survival, and therefore, they prioritize themselves. That got me wondering. Animals are selfish because they have to, and we did too, once, but our society have changed – so, why shouldn’t our instincts as well? I mean, we’re pretty much reliant on each other now, so why should we automatically want to have everything for ourselves? Isn’t that the whole point of the evolution, to adapt to the current situation. Our lifestyles have changed so much, in my opinion, it would just be reasonable if our essence as human beings would too.

Another thought I had was about the future of the human population. The whole survival of the fittest ordeal is about the best adapted individuals to survive, right? In our society, that would probably be about intellect. The smart people out there should survive, and make a better world, while the people with lower IQ’s would just fall by the waste side. Of course, this isn’t the case according to the standards today. But in a way, they kind of are. The smart people compete with the not so smart ones, because that’s what all people do, and in most cases, the smart ones win. The people without education have to struggle to find end’s meat while the doctors and lawyers of the world live in financially stable homes. This also gives the smart people a bigger advantage when it comes to producing off-spring. It’s easier for them to raise a “good” kid, that’s healthy and gets a proper education, who can continue to mate and help the human race live on, than it would for someone who can barely afford to pay rent. After I thought about this, I thought that it can’t be like this, because the people with lower IQ’s wouldn’t be eliminated. But then I thought some more. I consider myself a pretty smart person, and I know for a fact, that I’m a thousand times more attracted to someone if he’s intelligent as well. I’ve always thought that it’s because I like to conversate with someone who’s on the same wave-length as me, or even higher, that I like the challenge. But now that I think about it, it could just be my “make” that makes me feel attracted to a smart person so that we could produce off-spring that would have a bigger chance to survive in this world than a “stupid” person. Then I thought further, my friends that struggle in school all have boyfriends that struggle in school as well, one of them has said that she doesn’t click with smart boys, and prefers the simplicity of a “dumb” boy. That kind of scares me. What if that is the way it’s going to be? All the intelligent people pair up and the less intelligent people pair up, and eventually the latter doesn’t “happen” very often. Then we’ll have this super society with a bunch of intellectuals. It sounds good, but I think we really need the diversity. Sometimes, the people who don’t fill the criteria for the conventional definition of being intellectual know better than those who do. It’s when you have a mix that things work out best.

Love & subways

From the stars back to our cities, where we’ve never felt so small.

Tune of the day, because everything about this song is wizard. The lyrics make me think. Together with the dramatic music it makes it so powerful. Epic song.

I saw a friend that I once knew at a funeral,
he took the time out to be seen.
His eyes kept glancing to the hour hand on the gold watch,
that he’d been given by a magazine.

He didn’t cry when the priest gave the sermon,
just pulled up the woolen collar on his fleece.
Crossed his arms, gave a sigh and checked the time again,
as he sat inches from the wife of the deceased

He catches raindrops on his window, it reminds him how he falls.
From the stars back to our cities, where we’ve never felt so small

Rain drops from his window, making puddles in his hands.
He thinks how quick the water’s rising as another raindrop lands

He took a chauffeur driven car back to his hotel,
passing through the sick streets where he was born.
He said “Driver, what’s happened to these buildings? They all look run down and so alone.”

He took a shower in the bathroom of his penthouse,
put the Do not Disturb on his door.
When the maid came in the morning,
she found him shivering on the bedroom floor

He catches raindrops on his window, it reminds him how he falls.
From the stars back to our cities, where we’ve never felt so small

Rain drops from his window,  making puddles in his hands.
He thinks how quick the water’s rising as another raindrop lands