I just had a strong feeling that something particular is going to happen tomorrow. Something that has to do with the photos I’ve taken with my phone. Such a strange thing to predict, but it just came to me. I just wanted to write it down here so I can’t write it off as silly imaginations tomorrow. We’ll see what happens.
How is a raven like a writing desk?
Poe wrote on both.
Tune of the day CIV, a song that’s been playing practically every second this weekend. If not in my ear buds, then in my head. It’s kind of perfect in every way.
These days I haven’t been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side and
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I’d go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing that I’d realized what I had when you were mine
I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
When I pick up, I hear your voice saying “hi”. I imagine just giving a deep sigh as I realize it’s you. Then I imagine asking you how you got my number, and that you have some long explanation that sounds unreasonably complicated. Then I imagine myself telling you everything, how I really feel. And then I imagine us just spending the night talking about anything and everything. From the things we like to the things we don’t like, our stories, our thoughts. Just enjoying hearing each 0ther speak. Then I imagine whispering: “I’m really glad you called.” And you answer: “me too” and I smile, not only because of your words, but because I can hear the smile in your voice as you’re saying those words. I imagine us talking until I hear the birds chirping outside my window, talking with slurred voices, heavy eyelids and lazy smiles. I imagine us slowly drifting to sleep, with the phones still to our ears. Eventually, our conversation about anything and everything turns into hearing each other breathing heavily through the phone. I imagine not being able to stay awake anymore, and falling asleep with a smile on my face.
Feeling alienated has to be the worst feeling in the world. Like you don’t belong. Feeling irrelevant. Like everyone is in on the big joke except you. Like they are all having a fun night while you sit at home, all alone, watching reruns of sitcoms you don’t even find funny. Like no matter how hard you try, it will be of no use. Like it is useless because the reason for them having a fun night and you watching not-funny sitcoms has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that they have the money and the clothes and you don’t. Like you know that if they’d only give you a chance, they would see that your personality shines so much brighter than the ones having a fun night, because all they do is laugh at stupid things. And it is the personality that matters, right? Right. That’s why those bleak, immature people are having a fun night while you’re sitting at home, all alone, watching reruns of sitcoms you don’t even find funny.
Tune of the day CIII:
So pack up the bags to beat back the clock
Do I let her sleep or should I wake her up?
We both go together if one falls down
Yeah right, heh
I talk out loud like you’re still around
Never worked so long and hard to cement a failure…
just doing some quick blogging. I just wasted another evening studying and after that, I decided to see just exactly how much I have going on these days. I have reached the conclusion that I have at least one important task in literally every subject, I just ask myself what I ask every time school throws something flabbergasting at me: is this even legal? Something that surprises me, and if I’m being honest, kind of amazes me, is how school always manages to trump itself with every assignment. It’s so overwhelming that I almost laugh. Almost. What worries me a bit is the fact that I’m not ready to crawl under a rock yet. It’s like I see the mountain of work I have ahead of me, and I pity myself. I sympathize with myself, when I clearly should be empathizing…considering I’m the one who should be having the feeling in the first place. And by saying this, I don’t mean that fretting over studying is the right thing to do, it’s just that I know myself, and this is exactly the kind of thing that would make me all emo. I’m worried for myself. So it’s kind of the right feeling, but for the wrong reason. Maybe I’m over-thinking it. Maybe I should just enjoy being chill. I’m just scared that it’ll all come crashing down at once. I really don’t want to have an anxiety attack, especially when I need my brain the most. Oh well, I’ll just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best.
Tune of the day, a song that I’ve underestimated in the past, I was studying for a Spanish test when it came on shuffle and the intro kinda overthrew me. Not that the intro itself is so extraordinary, but I just wasn’t expecting hearing this song I didn’t even remember having. It was definitely a wow-moment.
We can blow on our thumbs and posture,
But the lonely is such delicate things,
The wind from a wasp could blow them,
Into the sea,
With stones on their feet,
Lost to the light and the loving we need,
And still to come,
The worst part and you know it,
There is a numbness,
In your heart and it’s growing.
Love & nebulas
I had this crazy dream last night and I just have to write it down. I’m supposed to be studying right now, school is really trying to slaughter me these days, so I’m just sneaking around on the net on my phone. So please forgive me if there are any errors, I’m too lazy to check my spelling. Anyways, to the dream.
I’m on my way home from the cinema with three of my friends, in the middle of the night, we’re walking through my neighborhood when we see a soccer field to our right, where a bunch of kids are skating. I notice that one of the kids is this boy who goes to my school. I should probably mention that my school’s half an hour away from where I live and there’s no way in hell that boy skates. So we keep on walking, and suddenly, this carriage passes us with a boy on it. He’s standing on a skateboard and has these weird looking knives strewn around him. I get this bad feeling, but we keep on walking. A few feet ahead, there’s a big crowd of people. It was like a nighttime underground party. The crowd consisted of a bunch of gypsies and skater, all looking very creepy. There’s more of the knives all around the ground and everywhere, there are little bottles of green liquid that resembles arsenic. The people are drinking the unknown liquid and are being rowdy. I freak out and look to my friends, but can only see one – the others have disappeared. The remaining friend gives me an unsettling smile and walks toward the people. One of the skaters give her a purple velvet dress which she puts on, and then she takes a shot of the green stuff. Out of nowhere, she whips out this cube made of glass and smashes it on the ground. She picks up the big, very sharp, shards and I immediately know what she’s going to do – she’s going to try to kill me. I start running, eventually running so fast that everything around me turns blurry. When I look behind me, I see that my friend, although that formality is now debatable, is right there, flinging the shards, just barely missing me, with an evil smile. I eventually reach the apartment door and almost give a sigh of relief, until I see that the door is locked. I’m desperately janking the door knob when I feel a sharp jab in my back. My final thought is: “I’m dying.” and then I wake up.
I love how my dreams always creep my out. Me and my friends in class have started reading about lucid dreaming, one of us frequently stumble into DILD, but our ultimate goal is WILD. We want to really master it. Imagine the possibilities…