You don’t move slow, taking steps in my directions…

I had a strange dream this morning. You know when you wake up ridiculously early because it’s so hot, then you fall asleep again and have a long, elaborate dream? Yeah, that was what happened to me today.

The dream begins with me falling, actually, I’m being dropped into my biology classroom. I fall into my seat and look around, disoriented, only to notice that this isn’t my ordinary classroom. Well it is, but everything is different. All the colors are in a blue tone, as if my eyes has a teal screen that tints my sight. I notice that something’s off with the teacher, who’s scribbling some unknown signs on the blueish gray chalkboard (as opposed to the regular green chalkboard). It’s like the teacher’s facial features have been dragged out, giving him a very disturbing appearance. An unsettling feeling grows in my gut, and I desperately try to reach out to my classmates, warning them that something isn’t right. Turns out, the difference extends to them as well.They all appear to loathe me. As I’m being given glares and the silent treatment, I suddenly think: “whatever.” and take a seat alone in the back of the class. I just sit there for a while, until the answer comes to me: “Wait a minute…is this a dream? It has to be a dream! Okay then.” I guess this is where I decide to just go along with it. Suddenly, the whole class is in this huge, mirrored hall where we have flying lessons. Yes, you read right, apparently we can fly in this dream. Well, dream me doesn’t know this either, but it seems as the rest of the class does. So everyone has mastered the art of flying except me. Yay. I am taught that I’m supposed to do a dainty jump and then just soar gracefully through the air, so I do that for a while, looking like a pseudo ballerina. After class, I’m wandering around some unknown area and I decide that I need to practice my flying skills. I just randomly go to a park full of cherry blossoms. I’m just jump-soaring all over the place, when I see Phreckles standing there. He tells me I kinda suck, but that I’ll get the hang of it soon enough. He also tells me that he’s here for me if I ever need any help. He gives me this huge, old book that’s bound in brown leather, tells me that I’ll “find what I need” there, and then disappears. Just as I’m about to open the book…I wake up.

Strange dream indeed.

…The sound resounds, echo. Does it lessen your affection? No.

Love & alabaster skin


So we’re bound to linger on, we drink the fatal drop…

Some days you feel transparent. Invisible. Like you try to get through to people, but not only do they not listen, they don’t even acknowledge your presence. You scream for attention, but people just look through you, to their reflection in the mirror. Enchanted by what they see, unknowing of what you see. Unknowing of the fact that you see. That you’re standing there, trying to get through to them. Sometimes you feel like you’d do anything to be noticed, but that it would be of no use. Your attempts would be futile. Some days the feeling of hope is particularly small. You feel it shrinking, struggling. But it never vanishes completely. It’s always there. The hope that someone will actually see you. Other days, it’s the opposite. You feel looks burning you from every direction. They leave marks. You know that they are permanent. Ugly scars that will burden you in the future. You would give anything to not be seen, to just blend in with the scenery. You just want to feel the relief of not having someone scrutinizing every move you make. You want to be able to just breathe without having to think about the responsibilities you have in life. You want a second to stop and think, to clear your head. You want a moment of peace. Even if that moment is fleeting. Invisibility can cause misery, and it can give solace.

I’m naked. I’m numb. I’m stupid. I’m staying.

You’re a wolf, boy, get out of this town.

Initiation of the winter break occurred according to tradition: HP marathon. Well, we only managed getting through two films, which is almost beginning to become a part of that tradition. Me and the closest person to a doppelgänger I know watched the third and sixth film, most of the time being spent with me doing a (poor, quite disturbing) impersonation of Snape saying inappropriate things, her laughing her ass off at said attempts, me calling everything and everyone adorable (especially a certain fit bloke  that happens to be a ginger) and finally, having deep discussions regarding some of the themes featured in the story. While fawning of the awkward charm of Ron Weasley, my mind couldn’t help but wander to another adorable ginger. I think I’m going too far, but I don’t really care. I’d rather feel too much, than not feel anything at all.

Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve, and I see three presents under the christmas tree that are for me. One of which is from American Apparel, I wonder what it is. Could it be a hoodie? I sure hope so, seeing as the salt and pepper one I own is one of my favorite possessions. As for the other two, I haven’t got a clue. It’s all very exciting *snort*. I’ve been procrastinating wrapping the presents I got for Mother and Uncle, simply because I’m not very good at it. It turns out neat and all, but I always end up using an entire roll of wrapping paper and making a big mess. I have to do it tomorrow morning though.

Random observation: This has been a completely unnecessary post. How fun.

Tune of the day, because…well, because of Lupin. Isn’t that enough?

Love & Expecto Patronum


Current obsession: Misfits

Brilliant show. Seriously, I’m hooked. As you can tell by the title, it fits little irregular me perfectly.  Mother’s been nagging me all day since I’ve practically been glued to the computer, clicking the button to see episode after episode. Thank you very much, youtube. Refreshing with all the sugary bullshit that’s on TV these days.

You know you want to watch it. Go on. Click it. Click. Click. Click. Click where? Oh, I guess I forgot to post the actual link. Silly me. There you go.

Love & Wankers

But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see

Bonsoir mes amies,

I feel like this is one of those days I should document, the last day of school for the entire year. These days, I often find myself thinking about certain things that I know I’ll forget, but don’t want to. Yeah, so here we go…

the first part of the day is irrelevant to my interests, simply because it was boring, so let’s skip to the last “class” we had. It was basically the whole class being divided into groups of four and then doing a music game. An intro to a song is played and then we have to write down the title of said song. This sounds boring, and it normally would be, except that things took an interesting turn; I got Phreckles in my group. By a total coincidence I might add, thank you Fate! So I was all excited and awkward and we played. Let’s just say it didn’t go so well for our group…okay we lost bigtime, but it was hella fun. Cheesy aww-moment of the day was when I guessed Louis Armstrong for a song but Phreckles thought it was Nat King Cole, his argument being that Armstrong usually has wind instruments in his songs, and I folded quite easily, because…well, because…alright, alright because he’s Phreckles. I can’t help the fact that he’s so swoonworthy, okay? Anyways, so we wrote Nat King Cole. Well, it turned out that it was Armstrong. That, I actually was expecting, what I wasn’t expecting was the force of his reaction. He got all red and exclaimed (to the whole class): No fuck! It’s my fault, I feel so guilty now.” Then he started apologizing profusely to me for his error. It took me a while to realize what he was actually saying, because I was still in a dreamy haze over hearing him speak english, but when I did, I was shocked. I’ve never seen someone feel so guilty over such a trivial thing…except for me. I always take things too seriously when I know others are depending on me, and I’m often too harsh on myself when it comes to doing my part. Add the fact that he was blushing, and you can imagine what state I was in – I could hardly form a coherent thought. Eventually, the (still unbelievable) anguish in his eyes made me snap out of it and I assured him that it really wasn’t a big deal. That it was okay to make a mistake, especially such an insignificant one. It took a while, but he was eventually able to let it go. The whole incident has made my feelings towards him (even) more amiable. I find him highly favorable. Not to mention, swoony, gaspy and sighy. Yes, that means what it sounds like. That’s the most direct interaction I’ve had with him by the way. Yep, a milestone *snort*

So after that, the class went to church to have a little ceremony thingy with the rest of the school. We’re about a thousand students so it’s safe to say the place was packed. A bunch of kids thinking they’re too cool for church, whispering and mocking and just being generally obnoxious. We got shitty seats where you couldn’t see anything, so I spent most of the time thinking and meditating. The main part of my thoughts went a little something like this: Wow, I can’t believe the year’s almost over. Time has flown by, and yet, it feels like it crawled by. Look at all that’s happened, look at how far I’ve come. I would never have guessed the events of this year, and I sure won’t be able to predict what will happen in the coming one. I hope it’s a good one though, and I have a feeling it will be.

Tune of the day, a hopeful song that reminds me of the sun shining on my face and seagulls soaring over my head. The longing for summer, not just in the literal sense.

Au milieu de l’hiver, j’ai dècouvert en moi un invincible été

What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me