But there’s some joy at the start and for that, I’d say it’s worth it

Noah and the Whale – 2 Atoms in a Molecule

Last night, I had a dream
We were inseparably entwined
Like a piece of rope made out of two pieces of vine
Held together, holding each other
With no one else in mind
Like two atoms in a molecule
Inseparably combined

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Still it’s a shock, shock to your soft side. Summer moon, can’t you shut eye.

Kay, so, I have one question: Is anyone there? I have apparently had a little over 100 views on this bloody blog, and all I have to prove that is a single freaking pingback….what the hell is that, anyways? Do I actually have readers, or have 100 people accidentally stumbled upon this blog? If there is someone out there that actually reads my posts by their own volition, could you let me know? A comment with the word “Hello” or “Hi” would suffice. Just some sign so I know you’re out there. And if you want to…could you…maybe…write something of more substance? It could be anything, write about yourself, how you found my blog, what you like about it, or even what you dislike. It could be a lovely poem, a funny story or a music rec. Anything really. That would be nice. But not crucial. Like a said, a sign of life is enough. Kthnxbye…I kid, I kid. Have a lovely evening. Buttering you up? Me? No way *ironic wink*.

Tune of the Day, a lulling, calm song by a group I like very much. The most obvious side is the more aggressive, dance songs, but I truly do love their slower songs as well. I prefer the acoustic version…today, but do listen to the original one as well, it’s just as lovely. Here it is:

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Soft Shock

It’s the time, it’s the day, don’t leave me. It’s the time, it’s the place, don’t leave me out…

No et moi

“I don’t care if there are several worlds in the same world and that you should stay in your world. I don’t want my world to be a subset A that completely lacks connection to other worlds (B, C or D), that my world should be a closed circle on the blackboard, an empty subset. I would rather be somewhere else, follow a straight line that leads to a place where the worlds communicate with each other and overlap each other, where the lines can be exceeded, where life is linear, without interruption, where things don’t suddenly stop without a reason, where the most important moments are delivered with a manual (risk level, functions with net or battery, predictable life length) and required equipment (airbag, GPS, emergency brake assistance).”

A (roughly) translated excerpt from the book I’m currently reading. The original title is No et moi, and it’s written by Delphine de Vigan. This book is freaking awesome, thoroughly entertaining and quite touching. The protagonist is adorable, she reminds me of a young, petite, wise yet innocent pixie à la Alice Cullen. I’ve only read about half and I’ve already felt skittish, sorrowed, angered, bemused, terrified, disgusted, hopeful and joyous. It’s safe to say, it’s a memorable book.

This reminds me of Lou Bertignac quite a bit…the sense of innocence. It was done by the very talented Deviant nancy0039. <– Visit her page, she deserves all the attention she can get.

And I beg and scream, “I was wrong”. It’s over, she’s gone.

Tune of the Day, I love when you add strings to a song, it gives the song a more gentle feeling, which suits the subject. It sounds more sensitive, bare…fragile. Like cherry blossoms, origami cranes and colourful kites. Here it is:

The Airborne Toxic Event – Innocence

Well, I lost my innocence today
I could feel her in my bones
My bones, my bones, my bones
My blood, my blood, my blood, my blood

And I woke up, tired, scared, and sad
Soaked, drained, I felt so bad
Today, today, today
What you still, you still, you still, you still
Won’t you say, you say, you say, you say
What you feel, you feel, you feel, you feel
Which is nothing but hollow feelings, yeah
I am done, I just don’t care

And forget happiness, I’m fine
I’ll forget everything in time
I swear I didn’t know,
You know me, how I can’t let go
And we’re not gods, we’re just hacks
All that life amongst the cracks
The scars, the siege that breaks
The ugliest scene, the worst mistakes
And everywhere I see her face
Such a beautiful child, such an awful waste
And there’s no innocence like hers
Just emptiness and nerves

And this light from the window of my car
She’ll never see it
Oh my God
I was so surprised, it blew up in my face
Lord, I lost my nerve, oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my
God

And I tear, I tear, so hard
And I tear, I tear, so hard
And I beg and scream, “I was wrong”
It’s over, she’s gone

Or like hearts cut out of wrapping tissue…

(Weheartit)

…So beautiful, so fitting

Clawing through the darkness and finally seeing the hint of a spark.

I’m okay. Not fine, but okay. And most importantly, I know that I’ll be good. Maybe not today, tomorrow or this year. But I will be good, maybe even great. I just need time…and God knows I have a huge amount of just that. Healing is of great importance, this I am only starting to realize. It’s hard when you’ve never experienced true sorrow before, you may think you have but you know when you really do. Something changes, imperceptibly, but your entire view on life alters. From just one thing.

I see a lighter day coming. I feel hope…

Dark, shattered thoughts

Darkness is pulling me down, down
Reminders of misery knock on my door
they pound, they pound
Effecting me greatly, shaking my core
Breathe in, breathe out
A thousand sharp knives impale,
stab in the heart and make me shout
Futily resisting the crimson trail
A hand of evil pressing down on my chest
Letter from Death, unwanted guest
Mind feeling heavy, heavy as lead
Feel a chill in my bones, unsettled
Inevitable pain, vision red
Feeling angered, sorrowed, nettled
Thoughts are jumbled, soul is torn
Cling to love, my surroundings adorn

Bring your buckets by the dozens, bring your nieces and your cousins.

Everything’s fucked up right now, I don’t even know how to begin. When you have something constantly weighing you down, the silliest little thing can make you break down. My father is…well, pardon my french, but he’s a dick. He stopped contacting me a couple of years ago and even though I’ve tried to call him and stuff, he still doesn’t want anything to do with my. This, coupled with the fact that I don’t have any siblings, makes me feel lonely. And it’s so fucking unfair, what have I done to deserve this? So, about the silly thing, I haven’t been to an amusement park in five years, and that’s ridiculous, considering how all the people I know go every year. So, I decided I wanted to go this year, turns out,  have no one to go with. My (so-called) friends stand me up for reasons I don’t even want to bring up, my Mom is chicken shit so she can’t go on the rides with me. I have no one. So, I cried my eyes out over this realization, and if that isn’t bad enough, my mother tells me that my grandfather is dying. He is fucking dying, WHY GOD, WHY? What have I done to deserve this? I already feel like I have practically no one, you have to take another person I love away? It’s safe to say, I’m not feeling so good right now. Every breath I take feels like a strain and it feels like something is pressing down on my heart. I am falling apart and I have no one to talk to about it. I can’t fucking deal with this. And if my fucking mess of a brain isn’t bad enough, I have to suppress it and put on a brave face to not make my mother feel any worse. God knows I can’t make her feel the burden of my pain on top of hers. She is everything to me, the only person I know won’t leave me. Everyone else will. I’m a fucking fool, I keep on putting my walls down, letting people in…and getting fucking hurt every single time. Well, I’m done with that shit. From now on, no one gets in. If they don’t get in, they can’t hurt me. Sounds like a fucking swell plan to me.

Tune of the Day, for obvious reasons, I’m praying for a fucking miracle, Granpa, you need to be okay. For me, kay? Oh God, I’m crying again. Fuck this shit. Here it is:

Florence + the Machine – Hospital Beds

Come put out the fire on us…