I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first. Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse.

People stare. Alot. And the loveliest thing about it is that it’s always the wrong people who stare. Always everyone except for the one person you want to be noticed by, the one that you noticed yourself. Some people, or in my case one person, think it’s so goddamn easy. They nag about it like it’s nothing and think that it’ll solve the fucking puzzle when it’s the complete opposite, they make you feel like even more of a freak. Because it’s not like that. It’s not fucking easy like that. Everything is so fucking difficult. At first you try your hardest to make it happen, you try to take it into your own hands. Ofc, that doesn’t work. And then you think that maybe, you just have to wait. Let it come. Well I have waited for a while now and nothing’s happened. Because it’s not fucking like that. I’m tired of waiting for something to happen, I don’t even know what it is I’m waiting for. So fucking tired.

Tune of the day:

Rise Against – Swing life away

LSATYD, sigh…

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The sand, silvered, carries the moon on its shoulders…

I’m still reading Special Topics in Calamity Physics, and I come across so many lovely parts, especially descriptive ones. Here’s one I just read, and just to remind you, I’m not reading it in English so my translation may be a little sketchy.

>>Only a few realize how meaningless it is to chase after the answers to the big questions in life<< Dad said once when he was in a whiskey mood. >>Everyone has their own erratic and unpredictable agenda. If you just have a little patience and don’t stress them, they’ll throw themselves at you when they’re ready. And don’t be surprised if you’re completely stunned into silence afterwards and little cartoon birds chirp around your head.

Even though this is a conclusion I’ve reached to myself, and many times at that, I still ponder over the meaning of my life. I know the only thing you can do is just let life take you where it may but I still can’t help trying to know everything in advance. I guess it’s my nature. Or maybe it’s in our nature as humans.

Tune of the day, the epitome of feelings only a song can evoke and describe. Words are sometimes lacking, but music always fulfill it’s purpose:

Minus the Bear – Pachuca Sunrise

Mellow out dudes

You know that song, ‘If a body catch a body comin’ through the rye’?

I just read The Catcher in the Rye the other day, by J.D. Salinger, and I have to say it is the best book I have ever read. My view on life is completely changed, I think differently when it comes to everything. I actually don’t know exactly why that is, but I’m not complaining. Now that I think about it, it’s weird that I hadn’t read it earlier, since I’m such a fan of the classics. I have never felt particularly emotional while reading books, but I literally cried through the whole thing. Kristen Stewart once said that East of Eden, by John Steinbeck, represents everything fundamental in life for her. I always thought that she was so lucky to have read a book that is so important and now I have found that for me. It’s everything essential in life. The Catcher in the Rye has changed me.

“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all.  Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me.  And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff.  What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.  That’s all I do all day.  I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.  I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.” 

– J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 22, spoken by the character Holden Caulfield

Tune of the day:

Iron & Wine – Upward over the mountain

Death Note

I just read the first part of Death Note, after much probing from a friend, and surprisingly, I really liked it. My doubts came from the fact that the friend in question has questionable taste when it comes to books and movies. But yeah, I really liked it, but was incredibly annoyed by the fact that they wouldn’t show the face of L to the readers. I mean come on, it’s not like we can tell Light or anything. But I guess it’s for the suspense…lame. Looking forward to reading the next part though. I like that the protagonist has flaws that are very indiscreet, I have no amiable feelings toward him at all in the moment and that allows me to just enjoy the story and not worry about his fate at all. I find it extremely humourous that he’s claimed to be the smartest kid in his school and still manages to see himself as a god (literally)…oh, the irony. I also love the way all the death gods are drawn, they are disturbingly brilliant. Although Ruyuk looks a little like a transsexual gone wrong, I guess that’s part of the charm hah.

The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.

I’ve taken notice to a certain type of people, people with a certain thing, but I’ve never been able to describe what it is. I’m currently reading a book called Special Topics in Calamity Physics, by Marisha Pessl, and in it, there’s the perfect description. I understand that I sound really fucking  vague, but trust me, you’ll get it when you read it. I’ll write  the passage here, but it may be ruined a little, since I’m not reading it in english and have to give a half-ass translation. Anyhow, here it is:

He smiled at me. I thought he would be a headless freak, but to my great surprise, he was a Goodnight Moon (Brown, 1947). A goodnightmoon has bedroom eyes, shadowed eyelids, a smile like a hammock and a silvershimmery, sleepy look that most people only possess during a few minutes before falling asleep, but that goodnightmoons have from morning to evening and a good while into the night. Both men and women can be goodnightmoons and they are adored by all. Even teachers worship them. Teachers always turn to a goodnightmoon when they’re asking a question and despite the fact that they get drowsy, completely incorrect answers, they say “Oh, wonderful” and bend and twist the answers like a thin steele wire until they start sounding like something brilliant.

An excerpt from Special Topics in Calamity Physics, by Marisha Pessl.

(I’ll write more about the book when I’m finished reading it, although I’m enjoying it quite thoroughly at the moment as well. You should read it.)

This is so fucking convenient, I now have a name for them. A perfect example of a goodnightmoon is Ian Somerhalder, he’s not the most…lively(?) man on the planet, though he seems very intelligent, but you still hang on to his every word when you see him getting interviewed. I mean, have you seen his eyes? I got talked into giving Vampire diaries a chance, soley by seeing those eyes. And even though pictures suffice (actually, that’s an understatement), you have to see him in action to witness the full effect. A classic goodnightmoon.

Tune of the day, with the same drowsy, enchanting feel as the archtype goodnightmoon (mentioned above):

Death Cab For Cutie – Transatlanticism

Yeah, so uhm…I’ll write later, I guess.