Sad, blue eyes and an I-don’t-give-a-shit-attitude

Hola peeps!

Today, I’m going to tell you about a creature (well it’s actually just a boy, but all the same) that has come to consume 99% of my precious thoughts. It all started with the first day in high-school, which was in this august btw. I sat in the classroom, eyeing my new study-buddies, and the teacher says the inevitable line that I have been dreading for every first encounter I have had with a larger group: “I thought we could get to know eachother by playing the name-game! Wouldn’t that be fun?”. I am sure the entire class simultaneously gave a huge mental-groan. For those of you who don’t know how the name-game is played (lucky bitches), i will explain it. The first person says his or her name and the person next to her/him has to say the person before’s name and then tell the class his/her name etc. So you have to remember a fuckload of peoples’ names, which is unneccesarily hard. So there is always those awkward moments when you forget one person’s name and have to sheepishly ask what it was, then, you will inevitably forget the next person’s name and it goes on and on. But ofc there is like three, overly enthusiastic people who will concentrate real hard and remember every single name, and then when they are done they get this big shit-eating proud ass smile silently screaming “Look at me, I am so perfect, I remembered ALL of your names. We will be best friends!”. To which I automatically shoot a look that says: “Look at me, I have a big gun in my hand. I will blow your brains out if you give me that obnoxious smile at me ONE more time. Do you still want to be my friend?”. And yes, I have very communicative eyes. So, anyways, as if that game wasn’t hard enough the teacher just had to make it harder by adding that we should share something about ourselves. I mean, how the fuck can you expect someone to remember a fuckload of names when they are going to babble about their favourite colour or some shit as well? Luckily, I only had to go after like three people or something so I didn’t have to embarrass myself too badly. So I said my name and muttered some lame shit about me liking the colour blue. The game continued and then it was some dude’s turn that I couldn’t see, when he started to speak I froze. His voice was unlike any voice I had ever heard, it was so smooth and raspy and I-don’t-give-a-fuck all at the same time. That’s when I really started to pay attention, I craned my neck (unashamed) to get a view of him and was met by a pair of clear, blue eyes. At this point the only thing I could think was HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! That’s when I knew I was doomed. To make things worse, when it was his turn he said: “I’m ****** (you didn’t think I would tell you his name would you?) and I don’t really like anything”. Motherfucking swoon was what I thought at that moment. We have to give him an alias, because I can’t really mention his real name. We’ll call him…Heathcliffe, because that is one evil swoon-worthy man and I don’t want to call him something cheesy like Mr. X like those lame I’m-so-chic-and-experienced-girls. So anyways, I thought that if I could figure Heathcliffe out, I would definetly lose interest, because that’s what I do. I have a really short attention-span. But that’s where the problem lays, several months have passed and I still haven’t figured him out! He just seems so private, and I know that there’s something deep beneath the surface. He seems like he’s going through the motions but not really feeling them. And he seems like an observer, like me. He watches life, he doesn’t live it. The thing is, he could just be a boring guy. But we had to write a deep essay about someone, and he got an A. So did I. I just have a feeling that maybe he could understand me like no one else does, but I don’t know. Maybe I’m overestimating him. The thing is, I am not helping things in the “Figure him out” department. I haven’t really tried to get to know him, and he is pretty much the only one in the clsss I haven’t talked to. I don’t do this because I know I’ll fall deeper if I do, and I’m pretty certain I don’t have a chance at getting him anyways. He is way out of my league. He probably thinks I hate him since I avoid him all the time, but I wish he could know it’s quite the opposite. I like him too much. But on the other hand, sometimes he seems so sad and I just want to help him. Like maybe no one understands him either? But I don’t know, it’s probably just wishful-thinking. But I am not giving up on figuring him out, and I will probably write about my new discoveries here, since this is the only place I have where I can really vent.


Wide awake and inked futures

Howdy Homeskillets,

So, i feel that since all of you people care so much (not really, but still) I should tell you about the day I became a fanfic reader (don’t you judge me!). It all started with getting my usual fix of twi-news, aka. Twilightersanonymous, Twilightlexicon and Newmoonmovie (again, DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!) In the beginning of my fangirl-career it was a lot more than that, so I am actually satisfied with only having to check out three websites a day. The thing is, I am a total closet-fangirl. I mean I know it’s pathetic to be obsessed but I really love the twi-world. And I know it’s really pathetic to be all ROB! But that is one hot man, but I’m still not all HAVE MY BABY! It’s just that my fangirlness can and would be confused as one of those swoon-victims if I came out and told the truth. Anyways, so I checked out the websites  and someone commented about a forum called Thetwilight20somethings. This forum I was very conflicted on, On one side you should not be an obsessive fangirl at that age, but their conversations should be more well-substanced than your average 12 year old who writes: OME EdWaRd iz lyk ttly hawt! So, the pros outweighed the cons and I went on the site. On the site there was like a million threads, and some of them I really enjoyed. Then there was one category that was called fanfiction, and I was intrigued. I went in and discovered that was a whole fanfic universe parallell to the actual twi-one. The thread that had the most posts was about a fic called Wide Awake, so I thought: What the heck, might as well give it a shot. After the first chapter (which was fucklong btw, just the way I like it) I was fucking hooked. I read for hours and hours straight and it was fuckhard since my mother would causally check up on me (real subtle too) and interrupt me like every minute. When I finally was done I was flabbergasted, for the first time I was speachless. How the hell could a fangirl write a story that was so good, it rivaled with the original? Then I thought there must be more out there like this, so I started reading a fuckload more. I am still reading fanfics and WA isn’t technically finished yet (just an epilouge left). Honestly, though there have been some awesome ones, none of those other stories I’ve read have been as good as WA. But the author have written a couple of short stories too, and man does she have a gift! I am really surprised she hasn’t gotten published yet, but it’s probably just a matter of time. The concept of WA is stellar: fucked up girl meets fucked up boy, they have a whole lot of problems but get fixed in the end. And Edward is a badboy in the fic, which is just fuckawesome and hot as fuck. When I read the original Twilight books now Edwards seems like such a prude compared to all the other fanfic Edwards, like Tattward for example. Because you KNOW tattoos are hot, I get a tingly feeling in my stomach (no, not lower you sick perv) whenever I think about inked skin. The thing is, I want to be all covered up in ink, but there is a whole lot of shit in my way. The first thing is the fact that my mother is old-fashioned and thinks I shouldn’t cover myself up that way. Most of the time she’s really cool about it, like we watch LA ink and Miami ink and shit even London ink (that isn’t even that good), but when it comes to her only child she has the values of a hardcore catholic. The second thing is all of my friends and stuff would not appreciate me inked, and I know that sounds lame but it’s the truth, I care about what people thinks of me. So the whole situation pretty much sucks. But, of course, I have a plan. After high-school, I’m going to move far away for college. There I can get new friends who I can be myself with and my mother would be so far away she wouldn’t even know. I can just cover up whenever whe meet, it will be awesome. I would get like a sparrow behind my ear, an anchor on my arm, a cross on my arm, some wings on my arm, an anatomical heart on my arm, the portrait of a saint on my arm and some nice quote or something. Wow, that’s alot on my arm, luckily I have two. Another thing I plan to do is become a psychologist. Everyone in my family was pushing me to become a doctor, because apparently I’m so smart (which is complete bullshit, btw) that’s the only profession worthy of my attention. But eventually Mother realized that all the pressure was making me fucking miserable and she asked me for the first time: What do you want to do with your life? I told her, and she was acting shockingly cavalier about it. Though it probably had something to do with the fact that you earn a shitload of money as a psychologist. Anyways, this made me really happy. So that’s what I am going to be doing, helping people sort their shit out. I am actually really excited about it. Wow, my posts are really cohesive, don’t you think? Anyways, enough of rambling…for now anyways, or not. Just, whatever.

Goodness, I completely forgot to link to the actual story. Here you can read all the chapters of this fuckawesome fanfic and other stories by the same author. Don’t judge it because it’s based on Twilight, it’s actually a strong independent story. You don’t even have to have read the book to enjoy it, it’s completely different. Trust me on this, you will love it.


Secret societies and lucky unlucky days

Yo, yo, yiggidy-yo

So, I was watching the Jay Leno Show the other night (couldn’t sleep and it was either that or M*A*S*H…uugh MASH), what’s up with that anyways? He used to have The tonight show, which was legit and all but then BOOM, he has to settle for a day show with seats that obviously aren’t very comfortable (you can tell by the awkward, unnatural arch of Leno’s back). I mean who the fuck is the guy who got the show? Jimmy Kimmel? UNKNOWN! The only thing I knew about him before the show was that he fucked Sarah Silverman, and I barely know who she is! Leno’s the man, and he needs his old show back! But that was not the point of this post. So anyways, I was watching the show, Leno was discussing some boring shit with some unknown dude (no, it was not Jimmy Kimmel). I was just about to flip the channel when BAM! I hear the word secret. My mind has like a built in radar for intriguing shit, so suddenly I became all interested. That’s when they started talking about Freemasonry, it started with the term secret society and it only got better and better. When they mentioned Dan Brown, it turned me off a bit because I’m catholic and I actually liked the Da Vinci Code, which I had to confess to the priest and do a shitload of Hail Marys’ to make better. But then, they started talking about how a bunch of former presidents were a part of this secret society, who claimed to be more of a “society with secrets”. Random dude also told Leno about how they were rumored to have ceremonies that includes drinking blood, which is hella creepy. So, when the show was over, what did I do? That’s right, boys and girls, I WIKIED THAT SHIT! It turns out, anyone who believes in a higher power (Like God, not Big Brother) and is male (bullshit if you ask me) can join. Just like that, i lost interest. It’s like a bookclub for men who like to discuss their power over some scotch, big deal. Once again, Dan Brown had wasted my time. Then again, since they have so much powers, maybe they deleted all the interesting shit of the internet. No point in trying to find out the truth then. But then I started thinking about secret societies in general, THAT is some interesting shit. Imagine being a part of something bigger, being able to be with people who are like you, without anyone else knowing. That would be so fucking cool. I read somewhere that you have to be “tapped” (not like that, you sick perv) to get in to a secret society and apparently they are some slick bastards, no one on the outside could know. This made me want to be special enough on the outside for someone to notice me. But then again, I live in a fucking pit for a town so I doubt there is a secret society here. But how would I know? This drove me nutso for a while, but then I came up with a brilliant idea: Why don’t I start my own secret society? So I googled that and found out that you first had to come up with some kind of point. So I thought, why not have a society with people like me who act totally boring in real life but you just know there is something else entirely in there? So it would be called The Irregular Ones (hence the blogname) and then I could just start tapping people with mysterious letters and initiation-tests. That’s where the problem was found, who would I tap? I thought long and hard about that and only came up with one person, and he would probably not take it very seriously, whus my brilliant plan ended. So I’m stuck wanting to join a society but not knowing how, at all. I guess I just have to get good enough grades and a fuckload of money to get in to Yale, then I have to be cool enough to hang out with all the rich kids, and then maybe I’ll get tapped by Skull & Bones. Yeah…piece of cake.

On a lighter(or darker) note, today is Friday the 13th! People have been extra lame and paranoid today. On the opposite, I woke up well-rested (which is a rare case for me who sits up till 4 am re-reading the whole Twilight saga) and just felt that it was going to be a good day. Then it went really well on my math-test. I got the right answer on an A-level question, which is literally a first for me. So snaps for me! My Gosh, how weird am I? The only lucky day I have, is on a notoriously unlucky day. Oh well…I felt that the perfect way to celebrate would be to start a blog. So yeah, great start!